Summary

Get ready to chase the soft life with the Chasing 100 Club! In this episode, hosts Telanna and Mercedes are joined by a Gen Z’er special guest, Trinitee to debunk the concept of the “soft life” and explore what it means to pursue a lifestyle of luxury, comfort, and relaxation with minimal stress and responsibilities.

With lots of banter and teasing between mother and daughters, the conversation covers everything from the definition of the soft life to the ways in which the trend has gained popularity on social media.

Don’t miss out on this hilarious and insightful episode, as the trio discusses their personal experiences with chasing the soft life and whether it’s a realistic goal for everyone. Make sure you stay tuned in because Mercedes is sharing her top strategies to join her on the Soft Life journey even if Telanna refuses to join her!

If you’re enjoying this podcast, send us a note of encouragement at ⁠hello@chasing100club.com⁠! We’d love to share it on our social media platforms!

FREE DOWNLOAD FROM TELANNA:

Unlock Your Success: Master 6 Simple Steps to Overcome Self-Sabotage and Channel Your Energy towards Your Goals

⁠https://www.purposemindedwoman.com/_Self_Sabotaging_Habits_PMW⁠

FREE CAREER CLARITY CHAT WITH MERCEDES: ⁠https://calendly.com/mercedesswan/info ⁠

LINKS AND RESOURCES

Chasing 100 Club Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://chasing100club.com/⁠

Show Transcript: ⁠⁠⁠

Order Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee: https://www.amazon.com/shop/thecareerlovecoach/list/1K2XQD3UGM4U6?linkCode=spc&tag=mercedesswan-20&domainId=influencer&asc_contentid=amzn1.ideas.1K2XQD3UGM4U6

ABOUT YOUR HOSTS:

Telanna (Mom), the Purpose Minded Woman, ISTJ

Learn Telanna: ⁠https://www.purposemindedwoman.com/site/about ⁠

Mercedes (Daughter), the Career Love Coach, INFJ

About Mercedes: ⁠https://www.mercedesswan.com/about⁠ —

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/chasing-100-club/message

Chasing the Soft Life Transcription

Telanna: Let’s go. Let’s see what Mercedes got for us Trini

Trinitee: I only got a talking point.

Telanna: Debunk this soft life.

Mercedes: Oh, my god.

Trinitee: What if I just don’t talk the whole time?

Mercedes: This is so rude.

Telanna: You don’t want to talk because Mercedes is going to be talking about foolishness.

Mercedes: Ya’ll are so disrespectful to my soft lifestyle. Have a soft lifestyle. Shut up.

Telanna: Okay, so you’re Mercedes. I’m Telanna, and I have a special guest.

Mercedes: Are you ready?

Telanna: Our Gen Z is here with us now. Introduce yourself, woman.

Trinitee: You’re literally introducing me. Why would I introduce myself?

Telanna: Because it says trend.

Trinitee: All I’m saying is hello.

Telanna: This is the time where she signs in. Gen Z is here with us today.

Trinitee: Hello.

Telanna: Oh, my gosh. Do you need a drum roll?

Trinitee: You haven’t said my name yet.

Telanna: I was going to let you say your name, you’re grown girl.

Trinitee: No, I’m being introduced.

Mercedes: Welcome, Trinitee.

Telanna: Welcome.

Mercedes: Thank you.

Telanna: We are so honored to have you.

Mercedes: Here with us on the Tasty podcast. I would normally say it’s your favorite mother daughter duo, but it’s now your favorite mother daughter trio. Okay, so welcome back to the Chasing 100 Club podcast. We have a special guest, Trinitee, and today we are talking about chasing the soft life because this is one of my 100 biggest goals. Are you okay?

Telanna: Sorry. Excuse that.

Trinitee: Oh, no.

Mercedes: I thought you were actually coughing. Oh, my God. Because I thought your seasonal bronchitis was back. No, it turns out you was just being shady.

Telanna: Me? Of course not. Shady.

Mercedes: No, go ahead. Start us off strong because you’ve been talking trash this whole time.

Telanna: You know what? I would love to start us off strong, but I don’t even know what soft life is. Right. It sounds like kind of cheesy to me. Something that this generation made up just because they don’t want to do to do you know what I’m saying? So you don’t have to tell me what the false life is.

Mercedes: What is do? The do.

Telanna: They just don’t want to.

Mercedes: Please say people don’t want to work anymore. Please say it. Please say it.

Telanna: I don’t think that it’s that they don’t want to work. I think they’re trying to define what work is, but I just think it’s like it may be just going a little bit too far. It may not be all of you all. I say it may not be all of you all, but that’s true. Some people don’t want to work.

Mercedes: Oh, my God. Okay. All right.

Trinitee: Work anymore.

Telanna: Well, Trinitee said that you’ve been listening.

Mercedes: To your conservative politics a little bit too much.

Telanna: Mia Trinitee, you know what?

Mercedes: You know what? She is in Tallahassee. That is that’s all she can listen to on the news.

Telanna: He could be rubbing off on her, but I doubt that.

Mercedes: I don’t think that’s what’s happening. All right, so then maybe I found this nice, lovely dictionary.com definition of what the soft life is. And specifically, apparently, Dictionary.com has a slang dictionary now. Yeah.

Telanna: Wow. Check that out. So I can keep up with you all.

Mercedes: I got to keep up with me. Okay, so I’m going to read this point blank. According to Dictionary, soft life refers to a lifestyle of comfort and relaxation with minimal challenges or stress. Some people use the term in reference to a life that involves and is a product of wealth and luxury, while others interpret it as simply being a simplified life unburdened from stress and responsibilities. Can’t wait for you to chime in on that. The term is often used in reference to moments that achieve this ideal, even if one’s entire life does not, or in an aspirational statement about the kind of life that a person wants to live. Let’s try that again. The term is often used in reference to moments that achieve this ideal, even if one’s entire life does not, or in an aspirational statement about the kind of life a person wants to live. This term has a long history of use as a general phrase, but it gained mainstream attention in 2022 in relation to a social media trend especially popular among black TikTok users and is often used with the hashtag softlife. And that’s how you realize that I was chasing the soft life because you talk trash about my hashtags.

Telanna: Now I feel like this darn soft life is why I’m not having any grandchildren.

Mercedes: Oh, yeah. 100%.

Telanna: I can’t stand you all.

Mercedes: Yeah. Because that’s too much work. You can’t live a soft life with children running around.

Telanna: Yeah, you know what? You know what? I didn’t remember his name on TikTok, but you know what?

Mercedes: That was your choice, ma’am.

Telanna: Okay? That was my choice. That is true. That was my choice to bring life.

Mercedes: Give life, and I choose to do life differently with a dog and a fiance. Well, two dogs and a fiance. Yeah.

Telanna: Yes. So this self life sounds like it’s about chasing, leaving responsibility behind. You guys have some responsibility, but I can see now when you were reading the definition, I could definitely the first thing that popped into my head is, well, Dang, this is why I’m not having any grandchildren, because it’s too much responsibility.

Trinitee: Yes, it is.

Telanna: That makes me question either I was such a great parent that you all can live up to that, or I was just such a terrible parent that you all don’t want to try to.

Mercedes: It’s not even about the want to try to. I mean, it’s like, is that compatible with the life that you want to live? Are children compatible with the life? I mean, there’s plenty of people out there having children that that’s compatible with the life that they want to live.

Telanna: Yeah. Selfish.

Mercedes: Hell yeah. Okay, so here’s my thing on soft life, right? Yes. I did find it as part of discovering black girl luxury TikTok, which obviously inspires me. I want to be inspired and stay on black girl luxury TikTok. But I think one of the things for me that when I was first watching this is that often it kind of feels like chasing the soft life is something that’s not really accessible, because it’s like, okay, well, I can’t have a soft life unless I’m rich or I’m making six figures or I have a business and I’m certainly not there yet in many of those ways. But I still do choose to think that I’m pursuing those soft life. Right. I think there’s more ways that I can have a soft life in more areas of my life, but I choose to see it as a mindset or a mentality and something that allows me to live a certain lifestyle and therefore a better quality of life. So that’s really what I want to share today. I want to share more about the mindset of soft life, and then also at the end of this episode, share some strategies and things that I’ve implemented into my life that has helped me feel like I’m living a softer life. I can’t say that I’m living the full soft life to live a softer life and to share that with our.

Telanna: Chasers today, but let’s have it softy.

Mercedes: All right, well, we haven’t heard from Trinitee. What do you think about the soft life? Because we’ve obviously know what Mommy thinks about the soft life.

Trinitee: I get it. Thinking critically. I get it.

Mercedes: Right.

Trinitee: Is this working?

Mercedes: Yeah, we can hear you.

Trinitee: Anyways. I get it. To me, the soft life is where I only do the things that I choose to do. So my ideal soft life is if I want to go have a job, I have a job for fun. If I want to go on a run, it’s for fun. If I want to cook instead of eating out, cook instead of eating out, it’s for fun. Like, I’m making those choices myself. They’re not a necessity because I can always go eat out if I want to.

Telanna: Okay, you’re saying that your idea of a sauce life is thriving in the areas that you want to. So if you’re home and you’re having to cook because, let’s say, for instance, you cannot afford to eat out or something like that, that’s like, survival.

Trinitee: Yes. It’s not a soft life.

Telanna: Okay, I get that.

Mercedes: I do, too, because I think it’s, like, whether you think about luxury or a soft life or just lifestyle right. A lot of that does have to do with you feeling like you have the freedom to do what you want to do, how you want to do it, when you want to do it. And I think that’s definitely a part of living the soft life, because there’s, like, an ease to that. I think that’s a big part. And I also think that so much of the concept of luxury and leisure has to do with time. Like, how do you choose to spend your time and to what extent are you in control of how you use your time? That’s been my biggest takeaway from kind of the soft life mentality.

Telanna: Yeah, I mean, a lot of people have luxury, a lot of people have everything that they want and they’re still absolutely miserable. As always. I think that this goes back to you guys’generation looking at my generation, the generation before that and the boomers, my mom’s generation and even my grandmother’s generation, and just looking at it and thinking that we didn’t necessarily have choice because of society and how we were already shaped to have these certain rules. You know, that women do these things, men do these things. And I mean, you guys tell me, having looked at the things that I’ve done in my life comes from saying, okay, well, I don’t want to make those same choices that my mom did. To do certain things that I don’t want to just because she’s a woman. Or that’s what they said being a wife is supposed to do and be and all that good stuff.

Mercedes: I pause because I’m like, well, I’m just going to talk about the particular period in life that I think about when you said that maybe not what you were saying, but I’m going to put your business in the street. But if you want to put your own business in the street, you can. But anyway, I think about those times in life when you were working like all of those overtime hours at PRI. And I just feel like that was a very interesting period in life where I could certainly say that that could change the dynamic of what I see as balance and the freedom of time versus money and also how that could often be a challenge with considering the ability to even have a soft life, right? Like if you are trying to pay the bills, feed mount, that kind of thing. So certainly I can see things where time and money has been well limited in life about that particular period of time, but then also in life right now, I think about what I consider my standard of living that I’m very happy with right now. And what if I were to consider having a kid? That would be like, no, see, I’m already just kind of hitting a stage where I’m like, this is the level of comfort that I’m enjoying. I want to go up, I don’t want to incur additional expenses. So I do think that some of that being many ways in struggle has changed the decisions that I’ve made or what I choose to pursue. I think. So. I hope that makes sense.

Telanna: No, it does make sense. And it actually brings me to one of which I guess one of the issues issues is probably not the great the best word to do to say, but one of the issues with this whole soft life thing which to me. I get the part about you wanting to create this life that you love and you enjoy and always doing things that you enjoy. I absolutely get that. And in the back of my mind, I think, well, who the heck doesn’t want that? But the thing is, all of the challenges that I’ve had is those things shaped who I am that whole journey. And so I feel like some of this soft life is with all of this mess of saying, everybody gets a ribbon. Nobody gets a first place ribbon. Nobody gets a second place ribbon, nobody gets a third place. Everybody gets a participation ribbon. I feel like it gets jumbled all in all that altogether. So when I hear you talking about some of this soft life, I’m like, who wants to go through life with no challenges? That’s without challenges, it’s just so boring. It’s part of how you grow. It’s part of how you become. And I think that’s the part of this whole soft life I feel like people are looking for this perfect life and creating this perfect life when that does not exist.

Mercedes: So I will say that I think that, well, one, this is all a mindset thing. So I think that thinking like that is actually like a mindset of lack. Like, it’s a limiting belief. And the reason that I think that is is because everything that we see or see as a challenge in life, it’s only a challenge because you defined it as such.

Telanna: Exactly. You know, that I agree with that wholeheartedly, you know what I mean? Everything to me is an opportunity for me to either learn, for me to see myself in a different perspective, for me to figure out, I guess you could say what I’m made of, so I absolutely see that that’s possible. So when I say challenge, I’m not saying it to say that everything that is supposed to be hard. Say that again.

Mercedes: No, I was saying are you saying that you don’t associate a challenge with a negative thing?

Telanna: No, I don’t.

Mercedes: Okay.

Telanna: No, exactly. So when I think of challenge, I don’t think of it as a negative, but it’s like you said, I feel like when people talk about this soft life and they think about challenges from a negative perspective and say, I don’t want any challenges. I don’t want any problems in my life. And I think that by trying to live like that, you miss out on so much of who you’re really supposed to be and the things that you’re supposed to do and how you interact with other people.

Mercedes: Okay. Yeah, I get that. So I think that to any kind of philosophy or mantra like way of being right, there is kind of like a surface version of that, and there’s like a doing the work version of that. You know what I’m saying? So I think in terms of soft life. There could be a surface version of that is I have a challenge, right, which you may or may not see as a negative thing. I think calling a challenge as a negative thing, but I’m not trying to get like we get stuck in semantics a lot, so I’m not going to. But what I’m saying is that you could have a challenge that comes up, and you don’t want to address it. You want to believe that it’s not a challenge. You don’t want to address it. So you’re like, I’m living the soft life, so I don’t have challenges in my life. So you don’t actually do the work, you don’t consider those things. I think the difference here, and at least that’s what I’m cultivating in myself about the soft life is that these things, whether you call them challenges, may come up, and they may be what we stereotypically think of a challenges or not stereotypically, but typically whatever. But it’s kind of like this ability to still be seeking pleasure in the process or to still be seeking that kind of internal peace or softness, like being able to still remain in your character and moving with it as you would in a journey. Because so much of seeing that as a negative thing, whether it’s a challenge or not, is being able to still be at peace no matter where you are. And I think you can do the same thing and go at it with a soft life mentality or a hustle mentality or a different mentality or victim or whatever you want it. There’s so many different ways to look at that. But that’s why I think it’s more the better way to think of it as a mindset rather than it is of kind of what you were saying, of like, there are no challenges in life. There’s nothing that bad that happens. There obviously is, but it’s how you address it and how you that your lifestyle allows you to I get it.

Telanna: You all just be killing me. Just say you’re going to have a peaceful life.

Mercedes: Well, no, because yes, but no, okay.

Telanna: Because that part leaves out the luxury.

Mercedes: Yes, but I feel like if anything.

Telanna: You have to define it for yourself, just like people have to define what success means to them. I just crack up at all these different labels that this TikTok generation, Twitter generation.

Mercedes: I do think that is the piece. I think that is why soft life is associated with the luxury, also associated with quiet luxury is also kind of associated I didn’t realize this until recently with quiet quitting, which.

Telanna: How did that work out? Oh, I’m sorry. What was I supposed to say?

Mercedes: Well, I think it kind of has to do with some of the strategies that I’m going to talk about because per my Wall Street Journal quote, okay, people think that quiet quitting is about just not doing your job where it really is more around setting workplace boundaries about acceptable work conditions or workload imbalance.

Telanna: So what you’re trying to say is that it’s not about being lazy?

Mercedes: No, soft life is not about being lazy. No, not the soft life and quiet quitting.

Telanna: Yeah, quiet quitting. No, I was just throwing that in there because I know that in the beginning when the whole quiet quitting thing came out, a lot of people were saying it was about people not wanting to work.

Mercedes: Yeah.

Telanna: So I just wanted to throw that out there because I support you all.

Mercedes: Why? We have this whole millennial thing of, like, I think millennials have just had enough, and we’re like, no, we’re setting these boundaries. We have the soft life. We have quiet quitting. We have work life balance. We’re just turning it around.

Telanna: I think that’s great. So now you guys just need to get it down to four days, and then can we also get that? Which country does the shutdown for, like, fiestas?

Mercedes: Yes. You all need to work.

Telanna: Those next.

Mercedes: Well, I mean, it’s like the same thing as lunch is just longer.

Telanna: Yeah, but we want it to be something that’s statewide countrywide. We want it to be law. They’re making all these other stupid laws. The least they can do is throw in this one. Sorry.

Mercedes: I’m not even sure millennials would even be like, cool. I feel like we would be like, we want to work whenever we want, unless there’s a business need to not do that. I think that’s a different mentality. You’re like, no, I want my employer to give me 2 hours in the middle of the day to work or.

Telanna: Not to work or not work.

Mercedes: Sorry, but millennials are like, I don’t know. Give me a project and tell me how you want it done and when you want it done, and I’ll make sure it’s done at that time and how, when and where I work has nothing to do with that. You want a project that’s completed, so.

Telanna: You all just want to absolutely, totally disrupt the system.

Mercedes: I think that’s what is Trinitee?

Telanna: Trinitee?

Mercedes: Gen Z. I think that’s what Gen Z wants to do. I think millennials just want flexibility. Go ahead, Trinitee. Tell us what Gen Z wants. What do you all want? Is she even here?

Telanna: I don’t know. Did she check out on us?

Mercedes: Think so.

Telanna: She on TikTok.

Mercedes: Trinitee. I swear she’s gone to sleep. I’m going to scream.

Telanna: Then start screaming because she answering you. It’s that soul life girl.

Mercedes: Oh, my.

Telanna: Wow.

Mercedes: Okay. She said that she is seeking peace and pleasure and rest and leisure.

Telanna: I am taking my rest now.

Trinitee: All right.

Telanna: We weren’t paying her for being a gas.

Mercedes: You already paid her. Girl.

Telanna: I sure did. I got to stop paying these kids before they follow through. Okay, Mercedes, so you have been nice enough to, of course, catch me up, as always with this new terminology so I’m not looking crazy, but what made you decide to implement this? Was there something that happened in your life that said, you know what? My goal is to move towards a soft life?

Mercedes: I think it was just really overwhelming stress and goals in my life. I know that Mommy has heard many a times. You have heard many a times when I was leaving work and just, like, rough, like crying in the car rough.

Telanna: Struggle is real rough.

Mercedes: The struggle is so real rough. Like, go to a psychiatrist and become Alexa Pro girly rough. You’re like, is that too much information for the Internet?

Telanna: No, the Internet can know whatever you want to tell them.

Mercedes: Anyway. I’m very apologetic, unapologetic about sharing about my mental health anywho. So I don’t know, consider, is this the way that life has to be in order to accomplish your goals? You know what I’m saying? Do I have to be bent out of shape, stressed out, crying, worked up, can’t sleep, racing thoughts, going to a therapist because I can’t manage, and having mental breakdowns on an air mattress in the living room while Brandon, my fiance, stares at me? In order to live and achieve the amount of success that I would like to achieve in my life, the answer had to be no. But it took me having what I would really call a mental breakdown, during which I had clinical depression and anxiety and was diagnosed with ADHD to have the realization that this wasn’t going to work for me. And I had to figure out, how can I still achieve the life that I want to live and live the lifestyle that I want? Which does include luxury, right? And having the type of money and freedom to do so. How can I still achieve those goals without feeling this way? Because it’s your point, like what you were saying earlier, of, well, a lot of people have luxury, but they’re not happy. Anyway, all of that being said is when I had to figure out how can I continue to pursue the goals that I have and live the life that I want or create the life that I want to? Hey there.

Mercedes: It’s Mercedes. If you’re listening to this podcast, you probably have some pretty big dreams and aspirations. Are you looking to break into your dream job? What about pivot into a new career that aligns with your purpose? Or maybe you want to advance your career as an amazing black woman. If any of this sounds like you, it’s time for us to have a chat. In the show notes, you’ll find a link to schedule a quick and free 15 minutes career clarity. Chat with me. During our call, we’ll dive deep into your career goals, and I’ll share some transformational career advice. If coaching with me could benefit you, we’ll discuss that too. If you’re feeling uncertain about your career, it can be tough, but it’s possible to find clarity and direction. So why not take a step to your breakthrough and schedule your free career clarity? Chat with me today. The link is awaiting for you in the show notes love. All right, let’s get back to the episode.

Mercedes: Trinitee is not asleep. She is having technical difficulties, and she’s back.

Telanna: Say, hi, Trinitee. Hi.

Trinitee: You accused me of being asleep. We did.

Telanna: You said that was part of your that we just assume you went to sleep.

Trinitee: But I did not go to sleep.

Telanna: We appreciate your commitment to being here today.

Mercedes: Thank you. Okay, Mommy. So I answer your first question. What’s your second question?

Telanna: Your second question was what different type of strategies? So when you decided, hey, this is something that I want to implement in my life, how did you go from point A to point B of creating this soft life for yourself? Do you have certain tools that you use, certain habits that you created for yourself? Give us the goods.

Mercedes: Yeah, I think a lot of it came from more mindset work or, like, how I viewed things. So I was telling you earlier, you can view something as a challenge, or you can view it as part of a journey. And so I think one of the things that I was doing in my life, our first episode, was chasing dopamine. If you haven’t watched that, go watch it, because it does relate to that of the idea of seeking pleasure. But I also think the other piece of that is like, seeking ease. So a lot of times where I felt like I was in the middle of feeling like I was hustling or pushing myself or that I was no longer enjoying what I was doing, I would actually just stop, and I would ask myself, why am I not enjoying this? Why do I feel this way? And is it because I’m not using the route of less stress or more ease? Or is it because of the mindset that I have going at it right? Like, is there a certain viewpoint of what I’m trying to do that’s actually impacting how I feel about it?

Telanna: Give it to us.

Mercedes: Trying to think of, like, a recent example.

Telanna: Well, while you’re thinking about that, I would say I like that you said that, because I think, of course, when I started doing this, I didn’t think of it in terms of the soft life, but I thought of it in terms of really creating what I wanted to see in my life. So, of course, when you talk about mindset, I feel like so many people talk about all sorts of things, like the habits you have, the actions you take, all of these things. But you just got to get your mind right, because that’s what battle is in your mind. And so for me, one of the things that I decided to do and I actually do this on a daily basis, I do this throughout the day. And I’m constantly asking myself, how do I want to choose to experience whatever I’m doing? So when I wake up, how do I want to choose to experience this day? Because it’s exactly what you said. Everything that we’re doing, everything that we’re saying to ourself, everything that’s going on in our mind is a story, and we have a choice about the story that we create in our mind and how that plays out in our reality. And so it’s very telling if you’re saying you want a soft life in your head, but it’s not what you see. It’s creating that awareness. Like you said, stop yourself. Don’t keep going down that little rabbit hole doing the same thing, expecting that you’re going to get different results. It’s creating that awareness and really having the courage to stop and acknowledge and say, you know what? This isn’t what I want. I want something different. I’m working towards this soft life.

Mercedes: Yeah. Are you moving over to the Soft Life game?

Telanna: No, I’m not moving over to that foolishness. I’m just joking.

Mercedes: Oh, my God.

Telanna: No, it’s not moving over to the Soft Life. I feel like that’s just already who I am. One of these things, constantly putting labels on things. But you should know that I decided long time ago that I was only doing whatever I wanted to do, and I’m absolutely against this hustle life to begin with.

Mercedes: Well, that’s why I was feeling like that you should have been like, yes, I know you don’t like the labels, but definitely on the Soft Life bandwagon because it really is the opposite of hustle culture.

Telanna: Well, yeah, and I mean, I wasn’t always like this, right?

Mercedes: Because you don’t work at the end.

Telanna: Like, you had to work if you wanted anything in life. You had to work hard, and you had to do the thing that everybody was doing, and you had to if if you were resting, you know something was wrong with you, if you wasn’t utilizing every single hour of every single day to work or if you were constantly doing all the things. And that is just not who I am anymore because I’ve learned that it’s so important to listen to not only what you need mentally, but physically, too. Listening to our bodies. So many people ignore what their bodies are telling them. And so, yeah, this whole Soft Life thing, it’s not a bad thing. It’s who I am. But this whole Soft Life label, it’s funny. I just feel like as I always do with these type of labels, it’s just life. It’s just creating a life that you love and that you enjoy and one that you feel absolutely aligned with. For me, it’s not called the Soft Life. It would be called living intentionally.

Mercedes: Okay, so you’re joining hashtag Soft Life and you.

Telanna: No, ma’am. Okay. Because there are many elements in that little Soft Life thing that. Ain’t right. However, I do believe in living intentionally. And in order to live intentionally, you have to figure out what you want, figure out the things that bring you joy. And we’re not talking about where the money resides, where the peace resides.

Mercedes: We want money and peace. Okay. Yeah.

Telanna: Hey, y’all. Mama Telanna here. Have you been feeling tired of feeling like you’re just stuck in a rut? Are you struggling to achieve your goals? No matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to stick with it? Do you find yourself constantly self sabotaging and getting in your own way? Look, my mission here at Purpose Minded Woman is to help you take ownership of your life and begin to live with intention. And it starts with breaking free from the negative behavior patterns that are really holding you back. Okay. To help you get started, I created a free resource. Six simple steps to stop sabotaging your success. It is a powerful tool to help you identify the obstacles that are really getting in the way of your dreams. It’s time to break free from your self sabotaging habits and behaviors. And with this guide, you’ll have the solutions you need and the implementation steps you can take to take action and control your thoughts so that you can begin to exist at your highest level. Get it now while it’s available at purposemindderwoman.com.

Mercedes: It I did think of, like, a good example, so I have I gave you enough time? You did give me so much time. I’m also going to ask Trinitee how she’s been pursuing the soft life if her audio works.

Trinitee: I have not. Oh, okay.

Mercedes: She is not doing the soft life.

Telanna: Go to sleep.

Mercedes: Soft life. Courtesy of Telanna Jeffers. Yes.

Trinitee: I like that. That is my soft life. I digress.

Mercedes: You do?

Telanna: I just want to go to bed.

Mercedes: Okay. So I will say that one of the things that was that huge shift and definitely counter, like, hustle culture for me was I would feel like in my business, like I didn’t make enough sales this week, or I didn’t have enough leads or even made the type of milestones that I want, whether it was, like, a piece of content, like, maybe I didn’t get the amount of views that I want or the number of followers or growth. I was not hitting some milestone. And so I would kind of have all this built up anxiety about that, and then I’d kind of get stuck in the cycle of freaking out about, oh, I haven’t done this, and I’m not going to get this, whatever that milestone was. And I realized that me getting stuck in that very anxious and I do think it’s like, a lack mentality of, oh, I haven’t gotten enough or haven’t done enough right. And also, like, the fear and worry of not accomplishing said things like, oh, my gosh, if I don’t have this many new clients this week, then I’m not going to be able to pay for, I don’t know, my Kajabi subscription or whatever. So I think one of the things that I realized is that me stressing out about all of those things I didn’t accomplish actually negatively impacted my ability to do that. So I was getting so worked up about what I need to do in my business, this and that, that it was actually so draining to me that I would just not be able to work on it and do it. And the moment that I stopped saying I don’t care how many followers I have today or how well this video does, or how many info sessions or clarity calls I have, I’m not going to focus on that and allow that to impact my mindset. I’m going to keep doing the work and enjoy the work because I do love coaching and what I do for my business and inspiring women to pursue their career dreams, their career soft life. But I have had more success with viewing it that way and not actually caring at all about the other stuff where I’m just like my mantra right now is just, it will come. Like, I’m doing the work, so they will come.

Telanna: Yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

Mercedes: No, I just said it’s been freeing too.

Telanna: Yeah. So I was going to ask you just to speak on that a little bit because I feel like sometimes it’s difficult to see if you’re not getting the traction that you want is because you’re actually not doing the work. And so how do you draw that balance for someone who might be getting frustrated with their business or getting frustrated with their career journey? How do you look at it and say, I am doing the work. The work. But is it enough? Because what I heard you say, right, is that you realize that you’re not going to be tied to the outcome. You’re going to enjoy the journey because you know in your heart and your mind that what you’re doing is the work. But then at the same time, I know that there is also this struggle where you could think that you’re doing the work yeah. And you’re actually not. So have there been times as well for you where maybe you weren’t doing the work and you were experiencing the same feeling? No, I’m trying to figure out how to help somebody differentiate between yeah.

Mercedes: So I think the interesting thing here is like the attachment to the thing. So, for instance, I still log in every single day and I look at how much money I made. I record that. I look at my social media metrics and I update my metrics and I look at how many calls I’ve had. So I still look at the same data every single day. In one case, I have an attachment to what that means for my future, what that means about me, what that means about everything. Like whether I’ll be able to actually live a life of luxury, the life of luxury that I would like to live. Right. Because it’s different. But for me, one day a year ago, looking at that data meant to me, oh, wow, I had one follower today I am a failure. And one is like, oh, wow, there’s one follower today. Cool. And I mean, it’s not like I can’t necessarily say it doesn’t mean that me getting 500 followers a day wouldn’t be something that I’d be like, wow, that’s amazing. But it’s just I don’t have the attachment to what my future is and what’s going to happen based on that. I think that somebody who’s in a similar situation as me of trying to grow and learn, you have to look at that information, the points. Right. Like, you have to be able to say, okay, I made this effort with my social media or my business or in my career, and this led to X outcome and know that doing that same thing will lead to similar outcomes. Because now I’ve seen that, okay, I know if I make these types of posts, if I share this type of message with my audience, I have these calls. So I don’t have to worry anymore. That whether or not I do them, like, if I do them, whether or not there will be calls. I don’t know if that makes sense. I know that I figured out A leads to B, so I can enjoy A without worrying about B because I know that it will come. I don’t know if that helps.

Telanna: No, I think you clarified it. I think it’s like you said, if you’re doing the work, you’ll eventually see the progress, but you’re not going into it and making something that is not necessarily in your control, a part of your identity.

Mercedes: Yeah, exactly. It’s the meaning, as with anything.

Telanna: Right. You can have good days and you can have bad days, but at the core of it, you still know that you’re doing the things that you need to do and it’s just another day. And so it’s like I said, you’re not attached to the outcome. You’ve made a decision to enjoy the journey.

Mercedes: Yes.

Telanna: Okay, cool.

Mercedes: Okay, so we have had a time talking about Soft Life. I’m glad you’re still here. Trinitee, anything that else that you so I want to share with our audience things that I think will help them pursue the Soft Life if they want to be hashtag Soft Life with me. So, Trinitee, before I do that, is there anything else you want to say about the Soft Life?

Trinitee: Don’t be afraid to take naps.

Mercedes: That’s very good.

Trinitee: I think that’s great.

Mercedes: And.

Trinitee: Try to be healthy, I guess, and do things that bring you joy.

Mercedes: Amen.

Trinitee: Okay.

Telanna: I think that’s great because I don’t take naps.

Trinitee: You should.

Mercedes: You don’t take naps because you just go to sleep.

Telanna: That’s true. And my body definitely works. But that’s part of my if you want to talk about okay, so just for now, I’ll let I’ll let you call it my soft life. And because that is definitely a part of my soft life is my circadian rhythm has to be on point. Like, I need to be able to get my sleep. It’s one of the most important things to me.

Mercedes: So here are a couple of strategies that I think from my viewpoint, and you all could let me know if you all have questions. Okay, here’s a couple of strategies that I think can help you pursue the soft life. So, number one, if you feel like you have limiting beliefs, which we all have, one thing that’s helpful for that is journaling. And so when things come up for you that is something that you feel like is not in alignment with the soft life, then you can journal about it. But here are some things that here are some prompts that I think could get you started. So the first one is, and I think, mommy, that you should journal on some of these too. Okay, since you feel like you’re not part of soft life gang. So one is, why do you think it has to be hard to receive what you want? Number two, why can’t it get better than it already is? And number three, why do you think struggling is a badge of honor? Any thoughts on that?

Telanna: I don’t think any of those things. She said, mommy needs to journal on them. I’m like, I don’t think any of those.

Mercedes: Okay, all right, fine.

Telanna: I don’t like that. You don’t like that?

Mercedes: Well, because you started off okay, well, you started off this whole thing talking about that people don’t want to work and that men don’t want to work, so so I think I think that you still have some of that, but that’s really, like, what do you think about it?

Trinitee: That’s not even what she said. She didn’t say people don’t want to.

Telanna: Work in that way.

Trinitee: She said people don’t want to work.

Mercedes: They don’t want to work for the man.

Trinitee: They want to work for themselves.

Telanna: I appreciate you.

Trinitee: I can have a job and technically work for somebody and still be working for myself.

Telanna: You want more autonomy and contracting whatever.

Mercedes: Number two is taking the path of least resistance or operating in flow. So there’s always an opportunity to feel like a task is hard or it’s easy. And I think in that case, whichever you believe is true. And so in order for you to pursue this life of ease, you should also feel like you’re on the path of least resistance, that you’re in flow, and you’re going through the journey, and you’ll feel much better about the journey to get to the result that you want.

Telanna: You can believe the task is hard or it’s easy, whichever you believe is true. I feel like this is one of those things with affirmations. So at the time that you’re saying this, it’s absolutely no way that you’re going to take something that you feel is hard and say, oh, it’s easy, and believe yourself in saying that. And so one of the things that may help you if you feel like you’re doing this is to say, I’m in the process of making this easy. Or I’m in the middle of that. Because it might be a lot easier for your mind to comprehend that you’re in the middle of shifting from something that you view as hard to figuring out how you can see. It as being easy and figuring out and really leaning into what is going to allow you to have or do or be as you’re going through that. And I think, like you said, that’s where the flow comes from. That’s where breaking the resistance comes from, seeing your future self outside of what you think is hard. So I just wanted to throw that in there because I think sometimes it can just be hard in itself to say things that you just don’t believe.

Mercedes: Yeah, and I think a part of that too, because if you don’t fully believe that that thing that you feel like is hard could be easy, then you don’t look for the easier route. You know what I’m saying? So if you have a goal to accomplish I don’t know, like, for me, right, I’ve gone through many things just feeling like doing my social media is hard, content creation is just hard. But I didn’t look at different avenues for things that fit me and my goals in my business, for things that could be more easy. And now that I’m more open to that, I have a different way of doing my content that makes it much more functioning and enjoyable for me.

Telanna: Yeah, I like that. And I also would like to add to that too, because one of the things that I just thought about was for me too, I feel like social media at some times can feel hard. It felt hard for me in the beginning. And I will say that sometimes when things feel hard for you, it’s also a sign that something’s not in alignment preach. And I will also say that if it feels hard, what are you really focusing on? Because for me, social media got really easy when I realized it wasn’t about me. So it’s about how I serve my audience, how I bring value to my audience. And when you look at it from that perspective, even now, when I said that, I felt my body, certain things and my body shift because I get excited about the idea of serving my clients. So there’s a reframe for everything, right, that we do and how we do it. So if that resistance is coming and it feels hard, are you putting too much of the eye in there and making it too much about you instead of really what it’s creating for you?

Mercedes: Well, you know how I think you could put your eye in there, but it’s like, is the eye what you want?

Telanna: Because if the eye is not what you want exactly. That’s a whole nother thing in itself. My wants and my shoulds, that’s a whole another.

Mercedes: Because what you wanted in that situation is to serve and help people. Right. You didn’t want it to be like self serving about you creating media and you being in the spotlight. Right. So in the same way of whether it was hard or not and being in alignment, it is so much of seeing it as a different pathway to getting to what it is that you want.

Telanna: Oh, yeah, exactly. Because when you see what you’re creating, it just allows you to break through even quicker. Because at the end of the day, it’s not really about the post and the scheduling and all of that stuff. It’s what comes out of it that actually builds your intrinsic motivation to push through it.

Mercedes: Yes. I love when people write on my comment on my post. They’re like, that’s what I need to hear today.

Telanna: Yeah, exactly.

Mercedes: Right.

Telanna: I’m like, praise the Lord.

Mercedes: Amen. I need to hear it too.

Telanna: Sorry.

Mercedes: Okay, so the next one is setting boundaries. I feel like this is a huge one because when you continue to allow the influence of others and you don’t set a boundary, that takes you out of that soft life mentality. I genuinely think this about my paternal grandmother, right. Where we had a stage where I had to just say, these are the conversations that I am willing to have with you. These are the conversations that I am not willing to have with you because the energy that you are coming into my life with in these XYZ forms are not allowing me to be in the mindset of happiness and joy and peace that I would like to be in. I can talk to you and have these conversations with you because they allow me to have the type of relationship that I want to have with you of leisure or being at peace or joy or happiness. Those two things are possible. But even though that’s what you feel that you need for me to have those conversations, I can’t provide those to you for my own lifestyle and my own well being. And so I had to set those boundaries with her, but I also had to set those boundaries with me to say, this is not something that you are going to engage in, to say this is not acceptable, and to hold myself accountable for the boundaries that I said I had put up. And unfortunately, right. That other person, my paternal grandmother, cannot meet those boundaries. And so therefore, we don’t speak. But there’s so many it has limited the extent to which that energy or her influence in that relationship has disrupted my piece.

Telanna: Yeah, I mean, that’s sad. That that’s something that you have to experience. Right. Because people want their grandparents in their life. But at the same time, I think it’s like you said, so many people struggle with this idea of boundaries because they want to be loved, they want to be accepted, they want to be liked. And creating these boundaries for yourself, like you not speaking to your paternal grandmother, takes courage. Yeah.

Mercedes: And it also flies in the face of values for me.

Telanna: Well, I was just going to say that that one of the things that happened that people don’t understand about boundaries. It is that it is your personal integrity. It is your commitment to yourself. Right. So we’re quick to honor our commitments to other people, but we don’t honor our own personal commitment and integrity to ourselves and our own choices. Like, boundaries are about you honoring your boundaries, somebody else isn’t. And so I think if people saw it more as a commitment to yourself, to yourself, they would probably exercise it more. But I think people just think of it in terms of boundaries. Oh, I’m telling this person what I want, and that person gets to make the choice whether or not they want to honor my boundary. And if they don’t choose to honor my boundary, well, then I guess I just don’t have that boundary. And that’s not the way it works.

Mercedes: Yeah, it’s like the way it’s supposed to work. Well, I feel like people who don’t have functioning boundaries feel like that’s the way they work.

Telanna: Exactly.

Mercedes: There is an action. So my action is for those who especially if you struggle with boundaries, it’s like I’ve communicated what my boundary is. If you cannot respect that boundary, then my action is to not speak or respond to you.

Telanna: Right, exactly.

Mercedes: I will respond if you are willing to have question A or conversation A, but not conversation B. Right. Because it’s something I control. And honestly, that is the biggest part of understanding boundaries. And that’s why I’m quite literally unbothered at this point. Right. Because I understand that. But that one was a huge one for me to learn, which, what am I, like, two years into that journey my whole life? That one boundary. Oh, my gosh. Transformational. But that being said, those types of boundaries, that’s not just for family. People don’t think about workplace boundaries, people don’t think about business boundaries. People don’t think about relationship, like husband, wife, boyfriend, whatever, boundaries. There’s a boundary in any type of relationship that you have. Yeah.

Telanna: And we should have them have it.

Mercedes: Okay, number three is to fill your is this three?

Telanna: Three?

Mercedes: Oh, no, it’s four.

Telanna: Sorry.

Mercedes: Number four is to fill your cup. So I think one of the really great things about soft life and part of that being leisure and luxury is sometimes we talked about this again. This is definitely like a reoccurring theme of like you have to work to fill yourself up first and then that’s when these other avenues for success or helping others or fulfilling your purpose or your goals, that’s where those things can come into alignment for you. And so whatever that looks like for you of pursuing ease, leisure or luxury to help you feel better about your life or your experience and what you’re doing and the soft, I guess, mentality that’s going to help you be able to experience that soft life in other areas of life. Right? Number five is accept help. I feel like there’s this research that’s going on that shares that there is a large amount of impact on somebody’s happiness based on genetics. Did you know that?

Telanna: No.

Mercedes: So that, you know, like basically when you’re doing you know, when you’re running statistics, you’re able to kind of look at to what extent was the outcome influenced by a set of variables. And that could be like age or gender or everything. And it’s something like 40 something percent of happiness is impacted by genetics. And the interesting thing is that you don’t really know is it actually genetics. For instance, if you put there may be some research, but I couldn’t find it. If you put a baby in a different setting without their birth family genetically, is their level of happiness impacted by their genes or based on their environment? But anyway, there’s a lot of research that shows like, genetics does impact your ability to be happy. And I also thought that that was really interesting when we kind of talk about the aspect of generational trauma and also specifically for black women, what that has looked like. And layered on top of that, not just family expectations of black women not being able to live the soft life and also how society deems whether or not black women should be able to live the soft life. Because I think that’s like a two fold thing and I think that’s why that is so much of a trend for black girl TikTok or black girl luxury because it’s not something that is ingrained in our way of being and living from childhood. And when I talk about our story of how we started about with you and all of your overtime work at PRI and everything like that when I was growing up anyway, I just thought it was a very interesting piece of understanding the dynamic that often black women are supporting and helping others and so they are not allowed the same amount of ease or peace or rest that others are able to. And so that whole rant takes me to number five, which is to accept help. Because I feel like with that independent Black woman feel that many Black women have had to take on because of circumstances or life or even just what was expected from a generational or societal piece, that Black women don’t feel like they can be helped or accept help.

Telanna: Yeah, I mean, I definitely think that that’s something that’s generational that probably goes all the way back to slavery. And so, as you know, with any type of generational trauma that stays with you, it stays in your DNA, and it has to be broken, and it has to be I don’t want to say remapped, but I think every generation either continues that or they make it a point to do something different. And I think each generation is chipping a bit more off of that, you know what I’m saying? Which I think is fantastic because I just can’t imagine just being a woman back in slavery times and not having your husband there. That’s how you were shaped. That’s who you had to become. And so, yeah, I think it’s just one of these things. And so I love that. That’s something that I think especially from millennials, they’ve picked up that mantle even more to say, okay, it’s okay to ask for help, because true, I feel like for me, too, it’s one of these things where, as you would say, I’m always going to figure it out. And I think I always know how to figure out things because I’ve had to figure it out because I haven’t asked for help.

Mercedes: Yeah, you don’t like asking for help.

Telanna: I’m learning. Be quiet.

Mercedes: Yeah, but you’d be having the attitude like, I shouldn’t have to ask for help.

Telanna: Wow. Praise the Lord.

Mercedes: Anyway, here’s my out of pocket statement for today. My version of Reparations is that I ask my white fiance for help all the time, and I accept his help. That’s my unhinged statement for today. I’m just trying to balance the tides. Did you mute yourself? I’m trying to get my own Reparations up in here. He’s doing great. Reparations.

Telanna: I know how that man puts up. If you look ahead, I don’t know.

Mercedes: How it does either. Okay, so here’s our last one. Practice doing nothing or taking your time. This has been, I think, the number one strategy that has helped me kind of overcome that. Because to your point earlier, you were saying, like when you are so ingrained in that hustle culture, got to do this, got to get that done or my dreams aren’t going to happen or my goal is not going to come or it’s not going to be completed. You choosing to do nothing or choosing to take your time doing something at leisure helps you actively start to challenge those ideas. So for me, getting up and leaving my desk and just sitting outside in the garden and saying it is okay to be at leisure, it is okay to be at rest, it is okay to enjoy these moments in life has been the biggest thing that has made this acceptable and normalized, to live this soft life.

Telanna: I think for me, that’s been a big thing, too. Just really being aware and not ignoring it. Really being okay with just not always having to push through just for the heck of it, because it’s what I’ve always done. I think I’ve been leaning into that a lot where I’ve just like, I don’t feel like doing anything and it’s okay for me not to want to do anything. I absolutely do not have to be on all the time and practicing that of doing nothing. I’ve been just sitting, sitting still. I’ve been doing some breath work, which is nice, and just being quite content with just doing nothing. And I cannot remember maybe we’ll put it in the show notes. I actually read the book doing nothing.

Mercedes: Oh, nice.

Telanna: Okay, we should yeah, we’ll put it in the show notes for you.

Mercedes: Yeah, because honestly, out of everything that I’ve talked about, tips wise or strategies wise, I think that is really the most impactful thing, it seems. So just do nothing. Just take your time doing something that isn’t work. Hobbies, going for a walk. It’s amazing. Shift some things inside of you. I did it today and I felt so much happier after that. Like I can’t even just existing. It’s kind of cool. It’s kind of crazy.

Telanna: Yeah. I think because we’ve been so taught to think that when we choose to do those things that it’s a waste of time and that it’s not meaningful and that it’s not adding value to our lives. Which is why so many people, when they’re considering their goals, when they’re considering their days, when they’re mapping them out, they don’t include it. Like they leave those things for last. When in actual fact, those type of things should be put into your schedule first. Because that way you’re always making sure that you’re creating the space in your life to replenish yourself. And you’re not doing it from a place where you’re in survival mode. It just becomes really who you are and how you choose to live. And so if you’ve been doing it the other way, I want to really encourage you to start planning life around these things, doing nothing, taking the time to add more joy and value into your life by doing the hobbies, going for the walks, doing those things. Because then that leads back into the other things too, where you’re filling your cup. It’s still a part of filling your cup. Giving yourself permission to do nothing high level, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful thing and not question yourself and not be there thinking that I could be doing this. And start small. Like if you can’t think of saying, okay, I’m just going to give myself 20 minutes not to do anything. If that’s too much for you. And you’re just like, there’s no way I can just sit here for 20 minutes and not do a dark thing. Start with five, start with somewhere. And it doesn’t even have to be we’re like, I’m going to meditate or I’m going to. Do breath work. Just be and whatever comes from that comes from it. Not everything has to be scripted out. Just be.

Mercedes: Gen Z, come back. We can’t hear you.

Telanna: Technical difficulties. Gen Z. I feel like she’s having technical difficulties because she’s falling asleep with her phone.

Mercedes: You think that’s true? Oh, my gosh.

Telanna: And it’s underneath her.

Mercedes: She sounded so awake.

Telanna: But it don’t take much.

Mercedes: That’s true. All right, I think we’re wrapping up without doing.

Telanna: We are.

Mercedes: All right.

Telanna: It’s nice having you with us, Trinitee. We appreciate you.

Mercedes: You dropped some nuggets, I will say that. Hello. Were you actually asleep this time?

Trinitee: Yes, I’m asleep. My eyes were closed.

Mercedes: I feel less bad about talking trash about you last time. Well, Trinitee, say goodbye to the people. All right, so thanks for joining us, Chasers, for this episode of the Chasing 100 podcast. We enjoyed sharing so much about the Soft Life and we’ve also inducted Talana officially into the Soft Life Club. And until next time, we wish you much success in chasing your biggest 100 goals. And I’m not going to give her enough time to rebuke. What? I’m ending the podcast right now. Have a good evening. Goodbye, New York. Bye.

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