Summary

Is money really the root of all evil? Should we be ashamed of wanting to live a life of luxury when so much is wrong with the world?

In this episode of the Chasing 100 Club Podcast, Mama Telanna and Mercedes unpack how we’re chasing luxury every day be that lux experiences, lux purchases, or future desires. Join us as we share our personal money mindset stories, our journey of embracing financial abundance in our lives, and what we’re chasing for our next level of luxury.

We’re also sharing strategies and tips that you can use to shift your money mindset and manifest your own version of a luxury lifestyle!

And if you’re enjoying this podcast, send us your thoughts, review, or note of encouragement at ⁠⁠hello@chasing100club.com⁠⁠! We’d love to share it on our social media platforms!

WATCH OUR TURKS AND CAICOS TRIP RECAP: https://youtu.be/yWpuN2klPZU?si=EJvrObr3ahET3QO9

Explore Coaching with your Hosts

LINKS AND RESOURCES

⁠⁠ ⁠Chasing 100 Club Shop: ⁠https://www.amazon.com/shop/thecareerlovecoach⁠
We Should All Be Millionnaires by Rachel Rodgers: ⁠https://amzn.to/3Un7v4R⁠
Hello Seven with Rachel Rodgers: ⁠https://helloseven.co/⁠
Money Bootcamp with Denise Duffield-Thomas: ⁠https://www.denisedt.com/

ABOUT YOUR HOSTS:

Telanna (Mom), the Purpose Minded Woman, ISTJ

Learn Telanna: ⁠⁠https://www.purposemindedwoman.com/site/about ⁠⁠

Mercedes (Daughter), the Career Love Coach, INFJ

About Mercedes: ⁠⁠https://www.mercedesswan.com/about⁠

Engage with the Podcast

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/chasing-100-club/message

Support the Chasing 100 Club Podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/chasing-100-club

Chasing Luxury Transcription

[00:00] Mercedes: Okay, I’m ready. So long.
[00:04] Telanna: We’re back, baby. What is wrong with you? What is right with me?
[00:10] Mercedes: What is wrong with you? Are you ready?
[00:13] Telanna: What I want for my birthday.
[00:15] Mercedes: You do know or you don’t know?
[00:17] Telanna: I don’t.
[00:18] Mercedes: You never know what you want for your birthday, and I’ve given up on that endeavor.
[00:23] Telanna: So else something luxurious.
[00:27] Mercedes: You want something luxurious? Is that what she said?
[00:33] Telanna: Machine is $900.
[00:35] Mercedes: That’s luxurious for sure.
[00:37] Telanna: The two silhouette machines together are 900.
[00:41] Mercedes: Oh, you wanted those?
[00:42] Telanna: I don’t know. I’m leaning towards my coffee machine anyway.
[00:46] Mercedes: Okay, are you ready?
[00:48] Telanna: But that is luxury. A $900 coffee machine?
[00:52] Mercedes: It is luxury. I hope you bring that up once we officially start. Are you ready?
[00:58] Telanna: I am ready.
[01:00] Mercedes: All right. Well, hey, y’all. Hey. It has been a little minute since y’all heard from us at the Chasing 100 podcast. And if you don’t know me, it’s Mercedes and it’s Mama Talana. Yay. You got your cue, girl. Okay, I know because we was getting a little rusty there.
[01:27] Telanna: It’s been a while.
[01:29] Mercedes: Yeah, it has been a while. So we are welcoming you back to the Chasing 100 podcast. It’s your favorite mother-daughter duo, and we are chasing our biggest 100 goals. And today, what are we talking about?
[01:42] Telanna: Luxury.
[01:43] Telanna: Chasing luxury.
[01:45] Mercedes: So, I figure we could talk about a little bit about our recent trip to the Turks and Caicos Islands. Okay. Because I know how to say it now, since we gone, and I figured we could kind of launch that as our entryway into this podcast for living a life of luxury. So, do you want to take it away?
[02:05] Telanna: Well, definitely the Turks and Caicos. With a capital T-H-B. Because that’s the most expensive place I’ve ever been in my life.
[02:15] Mercedes: Preach. We left a bag. Several bags.
[02:19] Telanna: And that’s a lot coming from Bermuda, definitely. You hear people say tux and Caicos is expensive, but you just play it off, right?
[02:33] Mercedes: Yeah. Because you’re like, well, any travel is expensive, obviously.
[02:37] Telanna: Exactly.
[02:38] Mercedes: It was not that.
[02:39] Telanna: No, it definitely was not that. But I will say, even though it was expensive, it’s definitely worth the trip.
[02:51] Mercedes: Preach. Okay, so I think I would consider this one of the nicest, most luxurious trips that I think I’ve been on. I don’t know if you feel the same, Mommy, but it was really just this moment of feeling like, wow, I have made it so far from where I was, like, a year or two ago. To feel like this trip was a plausible, reasonable trip where we could do fancy stuff like get a private chef, a private charter. Okay. Rent a whole beautiful villa, have beach access. Okay, we did that. So I think that was one of the biggest things of feeling like, wow, I’m coming into this moment where this life of luxury, I’m getting snippets and pieces of it, and it’s feeling like it’s going to become part of my lifestyle. So I would say that was a really great introduction to. I mean, yes, we have been chasing luxury in other places, but I would say this was a really big one where I could kind of feel like I was embedded in that, like, living my best luxurious life.
[03:58] Telanna: Oh, yeah, I definitely agree. I mean, I think in terms of trips that we’ve been on, I feel like even when I look at our trip to Italy or our trip to think, you know, those were just like, they were great trips, but they had a different just. I can’t even explain the vibe that I want to say because I felt like a tourist, but I felt like a different type of tourist than being a tourist in Alaska or Italy or somewhere. So there is definitely something to be said from doing those things that you talked about, like the private chef and the charter and even the private transportation, things like that. It’s so much to be said about that. It makes a big difference in what you’re experiencing when you’re on vacation.
[04:58] Mercedes: Yes, I think it was kind of freeing because I legitimately think that was, like, the first trip that I’ve gone on that I wasn’t really worried about it. I don’t mean worried about it. I mean worried about the expenses. It didn’t feel like I was bawling on a budget. It felt like I was legitimately bawling.
[05:18] Telanna: Well, girl, that’s because it was just two of you.
[05:22] Mercedes: Okay. No, I don’t want to think that that’s why I’m keeping my womb to myself.
[05:29] Telanna: But, of course, it’s four of us, and it still didn’t feel bad. I think mostly because as a family, we’re foodies, and so we’re used to spending a lot of money on just good meals. And a big portion of that trip, the food was meals and then tacking on an additional 12% to that, so it wasn’t out of pocket.
[06:01] Mercedes: So I think coming out of that trip, I will say that I was definitely dealing with what we call upper limiting things from not only having last month one of the best business months or months in my business, which absolutely funded my extravagancies in Turks and Caicos. But I will also say one of these moments where I was like, oh, wow, I’m living what my dreams are. And so I would say there were a ton of things that I felt like were limiting beliefs that came up for me. Kind of like feeling like an imposter, feeling like these kind of experiences overall are unattainable to me. Also, those triggers that come up when you’re thinking about, like, okay, being rich is immoral, and we see all of the things that we have going on in the world from economics, inflation, Oprah out here doing crazy stuff, asking people to donate, and she didn’t. Also, I’m not Oprah, though. Okay, I’m not Oprah, but just kind of like all of these thoughts about what does it mean to live in luxury and really feeling like you can, given how much is going on in the world and given how much we really have to kind of work for a dollar in today’s economy.
[07:28] Telanna: Yeah, I mean, I can absolutely see how that might come up for you. I think for me, I didn’t really experience it that much because I’m older than you.
[07:39] Mercedes: Oh, really now? Oh, really now? How old, girl?
[07:44] Telanna: How older? Not wiser necessarily, but.
[07:52] Mercedes: I was waiting for you to talk about your birthday, girl. Come on. Come on.
[07:58] Telanna: No, you don’t go there.
[08:01] Mercedes: Okay, all right.
[08:05] Telanna: Stop making me lose my train of thought. I’m just joking. Anyway, so I feel like I’ve experienced those things already because I’m older than you, because I remember when you used to be little and you would be like, okay, you don’t have to buy your clothes at Walmart.
[08:28] Mercedes: Wait, what?
[08:30] Telanna: But it was just ingrained in me kind of, to do that because it’s this journey that you go through of all your different money stories. And of course, then that day came when I was like, you know what? I don’t even like their clothes. Although they’ve changed now, right? A lot. But I don’t go in Walmart for other reasons. But I think I didn’t think about that as much. I remember, especially your dad when we were dating. He has always had this thing with luxury. And so when we were dating, he used to take me to drive through these rich neighborhoods, and he used to take us to these five star hotels to walk around. And there was always this big level of discomfort for me, like thinking somebody was going to walk up behind you and just tell you that you don’t belong here and basically to get out. And so I didn’t feel that at all in Turks. I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be, doing exactly what I needed to do and just being present and enjoying it. And I honestly wasn’t thinking about what someone didn’t have. I wasn’t thinking about everything that is going on in the country with money. I was just in a place to just be and relax and enjoy it because I feel like that’s what God wants for me too.
[10:20] Mercedes: Period, period, period. So I think for me, it was kind of like when you talk about creating your ideal life or your best life, it’s kind of like this journey of like, I’m where I am now and I’m where my dream life should be or I want it to be. And you can kind of feel yourself, like, I don’t know, is it like teleporting between the two energies? Some Sci-Fi stuff. We always end up talking about Sci-Fi stuff where some of it definitely, I could say for sure I didn’t think about anything else but living my best life while I was on that charter. But I do feel like some of the times when I was walking around or like restaurants or things like that, I was kind of having this moment, like, does this feel comfortable to me? And I think in a lot of ways it didn’t. So I appreciate you sharing, like, you know what, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I’ve worked on money mindset stuff, and here we are. And that kind of higher self aspect of who is a person that lives that life of luxury and how do you become her?
[11:35] Telanna: Yeah, exactly. And we had this conversation before about the fact that luxury is personal and what it means to me is something completely different than it is to you. And how it shows up for me is different from how it shows up for you. But I do want to ask you a question about what you said about feeling that you may not necessarily belong there or not really understanding the impact of what’s going on in the world and having to reconcile you being in this beautiful country, expensive, and then people in the US getting laid off and other types of economic things that are going here. How were you able to process know.
[12:34] Mercedes: I really think I’m still processing, like, to be honest. So the first thing about kind of. I think the part that felt unsettling is that I really felt like, again, like I said, this is one of the first times that I could really feel like I was in that dream. And when you were talking about the luxury part, luxury travel and how we define luxury is that goal for me. Right. Like, I want to be all over the place, on a plane, on a private jet, I don’t know. In a private car, whatever. I want to live a luxurious travel lifestyle. That is my goal in life personally. Right? And so I see these things as one, like, oh, man, okay, I traveled here, had all these private, luxurious experiences, but I also see in my head what that could potentially be like when I talk about, okay, I didn’t take a private jet there. I’m not there yet. And it’s a thought of, like, why isn’t it good enough for me to embrace and enjoy the level of luxury that I can live in in that point, at this point in life? And I think that’s one of the things that I was battling with of, like, why am I discounting where I currently am? Because it doesn’t look like this other standard that I have. And Also, am I kind of fronting in the level of luxury that I’m at right now? Because thinking about it holistically, this wouldn’t be sustainable every day of my life, which is also part of that goal. Right. It felt a little bit like imposter because I’m living my best life, Balin. But I feel like that right now with where I am, that’s actually not a sustainable piece. And when I think about the economic challenges, the future layoffs, and also just that people from an economic and basic need standpoint are suffering. And it’s all those things in my head all at the same time. So I just brought up Oprah to joke. But I also told you that I have a $31,000 Birkin in my Amazon cart as a joke, too. There’s levels to this. There’s a lot.
[14:54] Telanna: Definitely a $31,000 purse. I’m not mad at you.
[14:58] Mercedes: It makes me happy. Every time I look into Amazon, I’m like, you know what? One day, I’m going to click that button that Birkin is going to be.
[15:04] Telanna: Apparently have a watch on my wish list that is probably three times the amount of that purse.
[15:12] Mercedes: Okay, there it is.
[15:14] Telanna: I’m definitely not mad at you.
[15:18] Mercedes: And it’s really funny because I’m not even, like, a designer bag like person. I just love how those look. It’s wild, right? It’s okay.
[15:27] Telanna: No, and that’s why I’m saying how luxury is personal. I think a lot of times we get caught up in what it should look like is because what we’re looking at and basing it on are celebrities and not realizing that we can have a luxurious life, but we can also do what we’re called to do and still have impact. I think so much about what we learned about money is just rooted in old, wise tales and I guess biblical understanding, too, that money is the root of all evil. And I know for me, I’ve had to really unpack that, because I feel like if anything that we see in this time in society is that money makes a difference. Money has impact. Money speaks. Money allows you to do things that you would not be able to do to help people that you would not normally be able to help without that. And I think that is just such an important part of it. And I also think it’s what gives you the balance that you’re not just out here wilding out, paying for $30,000 purses, yet just joking and ignoring the things that you see, ignoring the opportunity to have that social impact. I definitely don’t think that that’s what you’re doing. And I think it’s easier to reconcile the two things when you know that you’re still doing the things that you feel called to do.
[17:23] Mercedes: Yeah, I guess when I think about it, I feel like even though that same concept is not about money, but every time I have this kind of conversation about the impact of work and, yes, the way that money can help you do that work, I always think about, there are starving children in Africa. Like, every time.
[17:54] Telanna: Oh, you think about it? I saw that my whole life. I saw my, whoa, why’d you pass.
[17:59] Mercedes: It on to me?
[18:00] Telanna: Infomercial with the little boy from Ethiopia with the big belly out. And, yes, that is, like, one of the most difficult things to see that. To think that other people on the other side of the world could be living like that. And here we are in the States with so much abundance.
[18:21] Mercedes: Well, I don’t even think that anymore, because those starving children are down the street, how I feel about that anymore. But anyway, so I’m saying, sometimes I think about it, it’s like, oh, my gosh, we paid $11,000 for this fella girl. How many people could I fee with?
[18:39] Telanna: Eleven.
[18:39] Mercedes: So I feel like that’s what you have or that’s what I think. But I also think it is very true. I think one of the most impactful comments that really helped me to address those money mindset challenges is while we were in the club with Rachel Rogers. Right. I said the club. One of the most powerful things that I was watching was just understanding there’s nothing more powerful than people of color and specifically black women, and our economic impact on the communities around us than when we are financially. Yeah, we’re coming from a place of financial abundance and how it impacts those around us. So I have to think about the idea that when we thrive, those things overflow and we can choose to use our money in the way that we want to see it impact the communities or the goals, missions, whatever that are important to us. So it is helpful, but it is still something that I constantly balance or kind of think about in my head when I’m looking at luxury. Right?
[19:51] Telanna: Yeah, I remember Rachel. I wish I had the statistic in front of me, but she always shares a statistic about how. I know you mentioned black women, but women in general take more of their money to have social impact. It was a really high percentage. And I wish I had the quote, but I don’t. But she shares that, that men don’t take their money to have impact in a lot of places, but women are doing it. And I feel like if you’re having the impact that you want to have, you should also be able to enjoy that fruit for yourself as well. I don’t think there’s anywhere in the Bible that I can remember. I mean, just speaking from me, I know everyone doesn’t identify as a Christian, but just speaking for me, I feel like there is nowhere in there that says that I have to be poor or I’m supposed to be poor. God said to multiply and have dominion, right? So that means multiplying in every area of my life. And if I’m able to multiply, I’m able to do that for other people too. I think the interesting part of it though is this statistics that you found online when we were doing some research.
[21:23] Mercedes: Ridiculous.
[21:26] Telanna: Fueling the luxury retail sales.
[21:29] Mercedes: It’s wild.
[21:30] Telanna: I’m going to let you share that.
[21:32] Mercedes: You’re going to let me share it? Girl, shut up. Okay.
[21:36] Telanna: Going into this conversation, they’re almost out of that bracket.
[21:49] Mercedes: Hey there, it’s Mercedes. If you’re listening to this podcast, you probably have some pretty big dreams and aspirations. Are you looking to break into your dream job? What about pivot into a new career that aligns with your purpose? Or maybe you want to advance your career as an amazing black woman. If any of this sounds like you, it’s time for us to have a chat. In the show notes, you’ll find a link to schedule a quick and free 15 minutes career clarity. Chat with me during our call. We’ll dive deep into your career goals and I’ll share some transformational career advice. If coaching with me could benefit you, we’ll discuss that too. If you’re feeling uncertain about your career? It can be tough, but it’s possible to find clarity and direction. So why not take a step to your breakthrough and schedule your free career clarity? Chat with me today. The link is awaiting for you in the show.
[22:39] Mercedes: Notes love.
[22:40] Mercedes: All right, let’s get back to the episode.
[22:54] Mercedes: It I can’t close. Brandon’s been messing with me. So you’re going to call out my age, but I can’t call out your age.
[23:04] Telanna: Of course you can call out my age. I have no shame over my age.
[23:07] Mercedes: All right, well, I think one of the things going into this, too, is that we did, like, for laughs and giggles. No, just kidding. We did go look up the definition of luxury because we were kind of looking at like, okay, what does luxury actually mean? Because we feel like it was kind of misconstrued of how people define that and that it does have a personal take on this. But luxury as a definition says a condition of abundance or great ease and comfort. The other one says something’s addition to pleasure or comfort. Okay. And then an indulgence of something that provides pleasure, satisfaction, or ease, which I think these three definitions are kind of interesting when you take the following fact that says nearly half of all come.
[23:58] Telanna: Through soft life people.
[24:00] Mercedes: Okay, the soft life people have arrived. But anyway, soft life. Nearly half of all young adults, 48% between ages 18 to 29, reside at home with their parents, and their savings are fueling luxury retail sales, according to a report. Blah, blah, blah, US Census Bureau. And then the other one that said Americans with an income of less than 50,000 make up 27% of regular luxury.
[24:33] Telanna: Consumers, which is wild to me.
[24:35] Mercedes: That’s wild to me.
[24:37] Telanna: I mean, both of them. I mean, I got to say, though, I’ve never been just like you. I’ve never been a purse person or shoe person. I like a purse.
[24:49] Mercedes: Shout out To Vera Bradley, girlies.
[24:53] Telanna: But I mean, at the same time, it’s like, I like a purse. I buy the purse, I use the purse. I don’t need 16 luxury purses. And not only do I not need them, I don’t want them. So I can see how the definition that you gave, it makes sense for me. Right? I’m looking for things to offer me comfort, like a great coffee machine. That’s comfort, right?
[25:28] Mercedes: Are we posting this before your birthday? What? Are we posting this before your birthday? Put everybody on notice. Come on, Mommy, tell us what birthday we’re celebrating.
[25:43] Telanna: We are celebrating 50.
[25:49] Mercedes: And hopefully going into another luxury experience, right?
[25:53] Telanna: Yes. We’re going to spend some time in the keys. Because luxury to me is also being with my family in an environment that we can enjoy. And so I’m just looking to just be in chill mode, which is lovely for me. Another villa to rent.
[26:17] Mercedes: I know, girl. I was like, no, I’m just kidding. When we talk about repetition, I’m just proving it to myself, creating the evidence for my own mindset.
[26:28] Telanna: Exactly. Maybe I’ll even get to take that $900 coffee machine with me.
[26:35] Mercedes: Oh, my goodness. You’re wild.
[26:37] Telanna: I’ve been already told no, but you know how that goes. Yeah, but I think this is so wild. As someone who has a 19 year old and a 29 year old, and if you were living.
[26:50] Mercedes: 29 year old is on the call.
[26:55] Telanna: I know, but I’m just saying, if you were living in my house and then you’re using your savings to fuel luxury retail sales, it’s a no for me.
[27:06] Mercedes: Okay, but let’s be honest here. You’re 18. Wait, is turning 18 or 19? I’m sorry, it’s 19. Your 19 year old is part of that group.
[27:17] Telanna: Yes, but she is not living at home using her savings. I might be fueling some of those luxury purchases for her.
[27:30] Mercedes: I mean, okay, I feel like you consistently stay in denial about your middle child, but that’s okay.
[27:43] Telanna: Jesus, take the.
[27:46] Mercedes: Out there. I’m just saying, it’s not like she got it, honestly. But it’s okay. But, yeah, I feel like she fits in that category. It’s okay. It’s all right. No more about it. I agree.
[27:59] Telanna: She does fit in that category. The difference with me is whether or not these kids are using their money for luxury things. Are they also using their money for life, or are they literally just at home, not paying any bills at home, not doing anything at home, and just spending their money on luxury things? Because that, to me, is wild. But I also know a lot more younger. I don’t want to call them kids, but young adults are traveling, like, big time.
[28:41] Mercedes: Well, this says specifically luxury retail sales.
[28:46] Telanna: Yeah, I know that says that, but I’m just saying in general, too, I think this age bracket is traveling a lot, too. I don’t know how luxurious it is, but I remember growing up, for me, it just used to be luxurious just to get on a plane once a year, much less multiple times a year.
[29:06] Mercedes: That’s true.
[29:07] Telanna: It’s okay.
[29:08] Mercedes: I broke you all right into it very easily.
[29:11] Telanna: Just kidding. Come on.
[29:14] Mercedes: In Italy? Yeah, I guess. But in a way, if they are contributing to maybe whatever their parents expect them to contribute to, they have a job they’re paying their bills or whatever they need to pay for. Are we then demonizing how they choose to use their discretionary income? No.
[29:39] Telanna: And that’s what exactly I’m saying that I don’t know much this goes into that because this says they’re savings.
[29:48] Mercedes: I mean, I think they’re assuming that that’s where it’s coming from. They’re saving money in itself. I feel like it’s kind of like a purposely polarizing of, like, they’re using the savings from staying at home with their parents on these luxury sales, which is like, they’re using the money that they would have spent on rent had they not been able to live. Hopefully they have savings.
[30:12] Telanna: Yeah, I don’t see any problem with that. If, yes, they are doing the things that they’re supposed to be doing as an adult, because that’s what you are, young adults.
[30:25] Mercedes: I’m becoming an old adult very quickly.
[30:29] Telanna: What is the bracket? Is 29 the cut off for that? Are you officially old at 30?
[30:36] Mercedes: I don’t know.
[30:37] Telanna: I feel old.
[30:39] Mercedes: I feel kind of old. Yeah.
[30:41] Telanna: Your siblings think you’re old.
[30:43] Mercedes: Yeah. I feel like their dialogue around my oldness doesn’t help. And I also feel like I was just bored as an old soul. So I have lots of things fighting.
[31:01] Telanna: Against me and my ability to feel youthful. So in terms of luxury, what’s next on your list?
[31:10] Mercedes: What’s next on my list? I literally have what poor Brandon would call, like, tunnel vision. I know you already know what I’m going to say to an RV. Being able to afford a fully nomadic travel in an RV lifestyle is the dream for me right now. And we need to do, like, an RV trial run. So not next weekend because I’m coming home next weekend, but the weekend after that, I’m supposed to be going to RV show. And then we want to do, like, a trial run and rent a fifth wheel or maybe like something smaller. So two things. Either do a fifth wheel that’s stationary so we can get a sense of the space and then do a smaller vehicle that we won’t kill ourselves or others. Traveling a couple of places, like maybe up the state of Florida or something to get a sense of how does that up and go lifestyle kind of feel. But I have straight up tunnel vision to my dream of owning an RV and traveling across the United States for the next couple of years. Yeah. What’s your next luxury goal? I think you talked about some of them, but.
[32:32] Telanna: You know, other than right now, the coffee machine of my dream, every time I get a new coffee machine. It’s another level.
[32:49] Mercedes: Yeah, we’re aware.
[32:51] Telanna: Yes. I don’t know what comes after the $900 ones, but I’m at the $900 ones right now and that gives me a great joy. And I think really, other than that, my next big thing is probably going to be our trip to Hong Kong.
[33:11] Mercedes: And.
[33:14] Telanna: On my life list is also the Orient Express. So those are probably two of the luxury. And I could probably even do it up even a little bit more if I didn’t take my kids with me.
[33:35] Mercedes: Good try. Good try. You will literally have to plan it in secret. Okay. You will have to get the FBI, the CIA, whoever else. Okay, Doctor who to help you plan that in secret because. No. Good luck with that.
[34:01] Telanna: What, we’re just going to be out, send you a postcard and let you know we’re there?
[34:08] Mercedes: No, ma’am.
[34:09] Telanna: Yeah. Would definitely be luxury because I want to do first class for those flights and I just want it to be a great experience and a nice. Because our plan is to, of course, take a cruise out of Hong Kong, but we’ll save that for another time.
[34:32] Mercedes: Oh, my God. I don’t think so. I feel like that is very luxurious.
[34:35] Telanna: I think we got to.
[34:40] Mercedes: It’s a no for me, dog.
[34:49] Telanna: Hey, y’all. Mama Talana here.
[34:51] Telanna: Have you been feeling tired of feeling like you’re just stuck in a rut? Are you struggling to achieve your goals? No matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to stick with it. Do you find yourself constantly self sabotaging and getting in your own way? Look, my mission here at Purpose minded woman is to help you take ownership of your life and begin to live with intention. And it starts with breaking free from the negative behavior patterns that are really holding you back.
[35:21] Telanna: Okay.
[35:22] Telanna: To help you get started, I created a free resource, six simple steps to stop sabotaging your success. It is a powerful tool to help you identify the obstacles that are really getting in the way of your dreams. It’s time to break free from your self sabotaging habits and behaviors. And with this guide, you’ll have the solutions you need and the implementation steps.
[35:47] Telanna: You can take to take action and.
[35:50] Telanna: Control your thoughts so that you can begin to exist at your highest level. Get it now while it’s available@purposemindawoman.com.
[36:14] Mercedes: Say, oh, my gosh. So I kind of have looked at this of like, okay, our concept is this idea of chasing luxury or chasing our goal, right? But in this case, we talked about how we’ve been chasing luxury. And of course, we’ve been intentional about creating those experiences and defining for ourselves what that luxury looks like. Like you just asked. So I guess my question to you is if you have people who are out there that are struggling in the same way that we are, and we, of course, have benefited from many professional development experiences, however you want to business, otherwise, mentors, mothers who are certified career coaches, however you want to look at it or not. Career coaches. Life coaches. So if you saw a woman who was really trying to get into living a more luxurious lifestyle, what would your advice be? That was a really long winded question, but we’re here two years later.
[37:25] Telanna: Need to take an intermission.
[37:28] Mercedes: Sorry.
[37:30] Telanna: I would really tell her the same thing, that I actually start with my coaching clients. The first thing that I do with them is just have them sit down and write out all of their desires, because I think a lot of times we have these desires, but we haven’t accepted them yet. But they’re actually what we want. But we’re so stuck in worrying about judgment from other people, judgment about spending that much money on something luxurious. I mean, I told you recently that I had joined a Black girls luxury group on Facebook, and of course, I’m not going to last there long. Actually, I’m on my way out. However, I joined it because I was looking for something special for my bestie since she turned 56 days after me. And the running narrative in that group is that these people post in that group because they feel like they can’t post on Facebook or they feel like they can’t share their excitement about their desires and their accomplishments with their family because of exactly what you said, judgment, and because other people in their family may not be doing as well as they are. And so it’s just this big narrative already around taking ownership for what you want and being okay with it. So that’s definitely the first thing that I would do. And then the second thing I would say is, look at your money stories. Look at your thoughts around money and how you grew up with it. We shared a little bit about that and how I grew up with people telling me money was the root of evil, or money doesn’t grow on trees and all these different things that were told about money. Look at those money stories, and how are they making you decide what you’re going to do with your money? I will say one of the money courses that I took was Denise Duttlefield. OR is it Thomas Dutterfield? I don’t know. Denise Dutterfield’s course about money and it was excellent because it helps you to understand where those money stories came from and to really understand that you’re able to have the impact that you want to. So that would be definitely the second thing that I would say that someone should do, and they have planned for it. You know what I mean? Not everything has to happen overnight. And stop looking at other people, celebrities, to define what luxury means to you. I’ve shared this with Mercedes, with you before, how luxury to some person is a Rolex. And when I look at a Rolex, I’m like, oh, that’s trash. Somebody go buy me a Patek Philippe. Because a Patek Philippe is a real watch, and a Rolex is trash.
[41:13] Mercedes: Oh, my. I’m Mommy. You said Paddock wrong.
[41:17] Telanna: I know, but it’s my accent. It’s how I’ve said it my whole life.
[41:24] Mercedes: No, it’s a joke, Mommy. I’m saying it wrong.
[41:26] Telanna: No, remember that guy? He said it wrong. Lord have mercy.
[41:31] Mercedes: Didn’t he say Paddock? Paddock on my wrist?
[41:33] Telanna: No, I think he said something worse than that.
[41:37] Mercedes: I feel like that’s what he said. We’ll have to go look at the correct way to pronounce it later.
[41:44] Telanna: Well, that’s the way I’ve always pronounced it my whole life.
[41:48] Mercedes: No, I think it’s a Patek Philippe, right? Yeah.
[41:52] Telanna: I don’t know how to. Anybody else would sound weird to me.
[41:57] Mercedes: No, it’s okay. I made a joke, and you didn’t get the joke, and now the joke is ruined. So.
[42:02] Telanna: It was a terrible joke.
[42:04] Mercedes: It was hilarious. I hope that somebody listening laughed at my joke.
[42:09] Telanna: The terrible joke for you.
[42:12] Mercedes: I’m going to have a Netflix comedy.
[42:13] Telanna: Special like your run on stories. But anyway, yeah. And so know, figure out what that looks like. For know, stop thinking that you have to have a million dollars to do this, or you have to wait until you have a million dollars to go on an amazing vacation, or you don’t have to. There’s probably somebody out there telling you that you have to, but you can do whatever you want to now at whatever you want to. There is luxury in every level of someone’s life. Someone a luxury may be getting a Starbucks once a week. I remember a time in my life when paying $12 for coffee was a luxury. So just remember that it’s whatever it is for you.
[43:11] Mercedes: I just had to say that there was a time in life when going to McDonald’s to get some McDoubles was a luxury for us.
[43:20] Telanna: Yeah.
[43:21] Mercedes: Every day.
[43:25] Telanna: McDonald’s is a luxury now.
[43:27] Mercedes: Oh, my gosh. Anyway, so a couple of days, well, like a week ago, Brandon and I went into the liquor store, because out here we got that drive through liquor store.
[43:43] Telanna: Okay, you live in the country when your liquor stores drive through, but go.
[43:47] Mercedes: Ahead, that’s a luxury. Okay, you got to get out of the car. He says, what do you need? I’ll bring it to the window for you. But anyway, so I was in there, and so they had, Mommy, oh, my gosh. I’ll probably get some when I come home.
[44:03] Telanna: Should I probably do that?
[44:04] Mercedes: Anyway, so they had like six different types of stellarosa in there. They had like a peach honey. Is it peach Honey or Honey pear? They had the Moscato one in there, which I can’t find in Windix anymore. And they had like, blueberry, a cherry. And anyway, so they basically had way more flavors than I was used to. And so I got all said. I said, oh, well, tell me what I owe you, because I picked up three bottles. He was like, oh, you could just get the McDonald’s. And I was like, oh, my God. I was like, not you being right that the three bottles of wine is comparable to getting McDonald’s now.
[44:44] Telanna: Hey.
[44:45] Mercedes: Oh, my gosh. You could tell me that you don’t feel comfortable sharing, but what is one of your money mindset or your money stories and how did you overcome that story?
[45:04] Telanna: I would say two. So the first one, as a faith based coach, I feel like that was a big money story for me, even in charging for coaching, was that I shouldn’t be able to do that because God gave me these gifts to help other people and contribute to society as a whole. So that was definitely a money story that I had. And how I came over that was just realizing that people don’t do things for free. They won’t do the work. So I’ve coached plenty of people for free in and out of ministry, and if there’s no skin in it, guess what? They’re not going to do it. So that one was pretty easy to come over. And I think one of the other big money stories that I really had was just that I was bad with money. I just think growing up and never having those conversations about money and how to make it work for you led to a lot of money trauma in my life. I would say lights turned off or having a car repoed or having had a garnishment, things like that. And so I think understanding that I’m not my stories and my past is not my future, and that with wisdom and knowledge, you can basically overcome anything. I think the big thing is not ignoring your money stories and not ignoring your money because a lot of times when we feel like we get into these situations with our money, we shut down and we don’t look at our money and it makes it worse. And so I think that’s a big part as well, that Denise teaches in her program and also Rachel, too, and we should all be millionaires, too, is really taking that time to look at your money. And so I’m intentional about having that weekly money date on Fridays. My alarm goes off at 07:00 p.m. Because you have to know where your money is so that you can do these things, so that you can have that life of luxury that you want, so that you can plan for it appropriately and create the life that you want.
[47:50] Mercedes: Are you going to ask me what my money mindset story is?
[47:54] Telanna: Well, if you were going to give me a.
[47:59] Mercedes: Okay, okay, I’ll let you go ahead.
[48:01] Telanna: And ask yourself since you’re already.
[48:03] Mercedes: No, no. You ask me.
[48:06] Telanna: So, Mercedes, would you like to share with our lovely audience your money mindset stories?
[48:13] Mercedes: Absolutely. Thank you. I feel like I have, at least in my brain of what I have unpacked as that defining you have that traumatic moment for you. You may remember my story of returning to college for my sophomore year. Do you remember that?
[48:33] Telanna: What year was that?
[48:35] Mercedes: I don’t know. 2014? So I feel like, I have this feeling that if I spend my money on things that are not like, Quote unquote, good decisions, then when I need it, I won’t have it.
[48:52] Telanna: Makes sense.
[48:53] Mercedes: And you like my dramatic pauses.
[48:58] Telanna: Yes. I wish I had a drum.
[49:02] Mercedes: And I think it’s because basically when I was moving back to college, right.
[49:07] Telanna: Now, let’s just tell everyone that I muted because I had to sneeze.
[49:11] Mercedes: You had to sneeze, so you muted. That’s so responsible of you for the.
[49:16] Telanna: Exactly. Not.
[49:19] Mercedes: Well, because I didn’t know if you could hear me talk about my money story. I think the interesting thing here is because of that, I think I have buyers remorse. So I was having this moment where I should feel very proud. It’s when I bought my first car. Then I was going back to college and I needed to pay for my deposit for my apartment. And I had somebody who was supposed to help me with that, who ended up not helping me with that. And I had a traumatizing day. So I shall say no names. We’ve all grown up. Have we? Anyway, all right. Have we?
[50:02] Telanna: Tell your story, girl.
[50:03] Mercedes: I am telling my story. Because anyway, I figured, anyway, Mommy, you know how people talk about you have root issues. I feel like that one day was a very defining moment in my life, and I have many root issues to unpack from that day. And this is one of them. And it is the fact that feeling like, if you are kind of like, you make a big purchase or you do something that is kind of helping you to see this goal, right? And it’s ridiculous for me to kind of have unpacked it that way of, man, I should have not bought my car. That’s ridiculous because I didn’t have this other bare need met of having an apartment because obviously I could have took the bus or whatever else. And so I unpacked that as saying, like, wow, if you are making these things that are not like a bare minimum need as an expense. And so often when I’m purchasing things that feel like luxury, I don’t enjoy it as much as I should because I feel like something could go wrong because I spent my money in the wrong place. And so sometimes that’s hard for me to feel like. And I think we were talking about it the other day when Brandon was like, let’s go on a cruise. And I was like, a cruise because I wasn’t mentally prepared for that. I’m thinking, like, I can’t make this big expense. I haven’t thought about. It’s not rational, blah, blah, blah. I can’t do. And, like, look at my bank account. Obviously I could, but it was like one of those things where I just had all those kind of feelings of not having enough, even though I know that I have enough. And so that’s been one of the things that I have had to really work through and ask myself when in the last couple of years have I not been able to cover all of my expenses that I needed to, like, wild, right. And kind of restructuring what that is. To look at it from finding the evidence of saying, like, you’re in a different place, you’re living a life of abundance and you have more money than you need at any time. Thank you for asking what my money mindset story was.
[52:01] Telanna: You’re welcome.
[52:02] Mercedes: So nice of you.
[52:03] Telanna: You’re welcome.
[52:06] Mercedes: Okay, so, Mommy, as we wrap up, because I think we’ve covered most of our big topics here in our pursuit of luxury. And I can say, like, we lived it up in Turks and Caicos, there will be more luxury in our life. And we are purposely working on our mindset every day, those limiting beliefs, our money stories, in order to live the life that we know we deserve, period. And is there anything else that Mama Talana would like to add to this discussion?
[52:37] Telanna: I don’t think so. That’s good.
[52:39] Mercedes: That’s a beautiful way to end.
[52:42] Telanna: Yeah.
[52:43] Mercedes: On that note, I’m going to bring up my Amazon cart and look at my $31,000 Birkin. I actually added a black one, so now it’s like 40,000.
[52:57] Telanna: Why are Birkin purses even on Amazon? I’m so confused.
[53:01] Mercedes: Okay, so the fact that Amazon has now identified that I have a problem. Okay. I’m getting Amazon luxury ads on Facebook. Yeah. And I think that they are like. So for instance, I don’t think you can buy a Birkin anywhere other than a store new. So these must all be like used Birkins because I’m not going to go play in somebody’s face. Like, I’m just going to have to.
[53:32] Telanna: Petty company that you have to be.
[53:34] Mercedes: Yes. You have to play in there. They play in your face. Okay, we’re not doing that.
[53:42] Telanna: But that alone would be just like, not something I want.
[53:45] Mercedes: No, I’m like, you’re not about to degrade me and make me work for a purse. Sorry. That’s probably not how they look at that, right?
[53:54] Telanna: I’m sure they don’t.
[53:56] Mercedes: I mean, people who purchase it, I feel like the sales associates have to thank that person.
[54:03] Telanna: So I can’t even understand.
[54:05] Mercedes: I mean, and I probably am just as many others are into the hype, but I do love that it’s very not, you know, like how you buy like a Louis Vuitton bag and the icons, like everywhere. I don’t so much. So I just like that. It’s just like this very classy, pretty bag.
[54:25] Telanna: That’s nice.
[54:26] Mercedes: Anywho, so, yeah, I’ll continue to get my Amazon luxury fine ads and add them to my cart. Like an absolute sociopath.
[54:39] Telanna: Yeah, well, I’m sure it must help with your motivation.
[54:45] Mercedes: I mean, every day I go check my RV fund and it makes me feel so much joy because it means I’m getting closer and closer to in many ways. Looking at my Amazon cart and checking my high yield savings account brings me great joy. Okay, Mommy, what brings you great joy and helps you pursue your luxury am.
[55:18] Telanna: I don’t want to say I’m a simple person because I like little things. Like, literally, I went to Turks and Caicos and I bought a stuffed dinosaur.
[55:34] Mercedes: I just bought it.
[55:37] Telanna: On the chair in my bedroom and that makes me happy.
[55:41] Mercedes: It’s so cute. Luxury in life is being able to buy whatever nonsensical.
[55:47] Telanna: Exactly.
[55:47] Mercedes: Whatever animal you want at any given time.
[55:51] Telanna: And now I don’t even tell people it’s for my son. I’m like, it’s mine.
[55:57] Mercedes: Was there a point in time when you were doing did so you’ve come a long way. I’m glad that you’re your authentic self because it’s great.
[56:09] Telanna: And I got to run now because here in the Jeffers household, we eat late, and my dinner at 09:00 is just ready.
[56:17] Mercedes: I thought you were going to say you have to pee. All right, well, that all being said. Bye, chasers. We’ll see you for the next episode. And we are glad to be back and can’t wait for our next Chasing 100 podcast episode. Bye.
[56:32] Telanna: See you next time. arrivederci!
[56:37] Mercedes: Go eat your dinner. Get off my podcast. Bye.

.

The post Episode 6: Chasing Luxury appeared first on Chasing 100 Club Podcast.

Summary

Get ready to chase the soft life with the Chasing 100 Club! In this episode, hosts Telanna and Mercedes are joined by a Gen Z’er special guest, Trinitee to debunk the concept of the “soft life” and explore what it means to pursue a lifestyle of luxury, comfort, and relaxation with minimal stress and responsibilities.

With lots of banter and teasing between mother and daughters, the conversation covers everything from the definition of the soft life to the ways in which the trend has gained popularity on social media.

Don’t miss out on this hilarious and insightful episode, as the trio discusses their personal experiences with chasing the soft life and whether it’s a realistic goal for everyone. Make sure you stay tuned in because Mercedes is sharing her top strategies to join her on the Soft Life journey even if Telanna refuses to join her!

If you’re enjoying this podcast, send us a note of encouragement at ⁠hello@chasing100club.com⁠! We’d love to share it on our social media platforms!

FREE DOWNLOAD FROM TELANNA:

Unlock Your Success: Master 6 Simple Steps to Overcome Self-Sabotage and Channel Your Energy towards Your Goals

⁠https://www.purposemindedwoman.com/_Self_Sabotaging_Habits_PMW⁠

FREE CAREER CLARITY CHAT WITH MERCEDES: ⁠https://calendly.com/mercedesswan/info ⁠

LINKS AND RESOURCES

Chasing 100 Club Website: ⁠⁠⁠https://chasing100club.com/⁠

Show Transcript: ⁠⁠⁠

Order Do Nothing by Celeste Headlee: https://www.amazon.com/shop/thecareerlovecoach/list/1K2XQD3UGM4U6?linkCode=spc&tag=mercedesswan-20&domainId=influencer&asc_contentid=amzn1.ideas.1K2XQD3UGM4U6

ABOUT YOUR HOSTS:

Telanna (Mom), the Purpose Minded Woman, ISTJ

Learn Telanna: ⁠https://www.purposemindedwoman.com/site/about ⁠

Mercedes (Daughter), the Career Love Coach, INFJ

About Mercedes: ⁠https://www.mercedesswan.com/about⁠ —

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/chasing-100-club/message

Chasing the Soft Life Transcription

Telanna: Let’s go. Let’s see what Mercedes got for us Trini

Trinitee: I only got a talking point.

Telanna: Debunk this soft life.

Mercedes: Oh, my god.

Trinitee: What if I just don’t talk the whole time?

Mercedes: This is so rude.

Telanna: You don’t want to talk because Mercedes is going to be talking about foolishness.

Mercedes: Ya’ll are so disrespectful to my soft lifestyle. Have a soft lifestyle. Shut up.

Telanna: Okay, so you’re Mercedes. I’m Telanna, and I have a special guest.

Mercedes: Are you ready?

Telanna: Our Gen Z is here with us now. Introduce yourself, woman.

Trinitee: You’re literally introducing me. Why would I introduce myself?

Telanna: Because it says trend.

Trinitee: All I’m saying is hello.

Telanna: This is the time where she signs in. Gen Z is here with us today.

Trinitee: Hello.

Telanna: Oh, my gosh. Do you need a drum roll?

Trinitee: You haven’t said my name yet.

Telanna: I was going to let you say your name, you’re grown girl.

Trinitee: No, I’m being introduced.

Mercedes: Welcome, Trinitee.

Telanna: Welcome.

Mercedes: Thank you.

Telanna: We are so honored to have you.

Mercedes: Here with us on the Tasty podcast. I would normally say it’s your favorite mother daughter duo, but it’s now your favorite mother daughter trio. Okay, so welcome back to the Chasing 100 Club podcast. We have a special guest, Trinitee, and today we are talking about chasing the soft life because this is one of my 100 biggest goals. Are you okay?

Telanna: Sorry. Excuse that.

Trinitee: Oh, no.

Mercedes: I thought you were actually coughing. Oh, my God. Because I thought your seasonal bronchitis was back. No, it turns out you was just being shady.

Telanna: Me? Of course not. Shady.

Mercedes: No, go ahead. Start us off strong because you’ve been talking trash this whole time.

Telanna: You know what? I would love to start us off strong, but I don’t even know what soft life is. Right. It sounds like kind of cheesy to me. Something that this generation made up just because they don’t want to do to do you know what I’m saying? So you don’t have to tell me what the false life is.

Mercedes: What is do? The do.

Telanna: They just don’t want to.

Mercedes: Please say people don’t want to work anymore. Please say it. Please say it.

Telanna: I don’t think that it’s that they don’t want to work. I think they’re trying to define what work is, but I just think it’s like it may be just going a little bit too far. It may not be all of you all. I say it may not be all of you all, but that’s true. Some people don’t want to work.

Mercedes: Oh, my God. Okay. All right.

Trinitee: Work anymore.

Telanna: Well, Trinitee said that you’ve been listening.

Mercedes: To your conservative politics a little bit too much.

Telanna: Mia Trinitee, you know what?

Mercedes: You know what? She is in Tallahassee. That is that’s all she can listen to on the news.

Telanna: He could be rubbing off on her, but I doubt that.

Mercedes: I don’t think that’s what’s happening. All right, so then maybe I found this nice, lovely dictionary.com definition of what the soft life is. And specifically, apparently, Dictionary.com has a slang dictionary now. Yeah.

Telanna: Wow. Check that out. So I can keep up with you all.

Mercedes: I got to keep up with me. Okay, so I’m going to read this point blank. According to Dictionary, soft life refers to a lifestyle of comfort and relaxation with minimal challenges or stress. Some people use the term in reference to a life that involves and is a product of wealth and luxury, while others interpret it as simply being a simplified life unburdened from stress and responsibilities. Can’t wait for you to chime in on that. The term is often used in reference to moments that achieve this ideal, even if one’s entire life does not, or in an aspirational statement about the kind of life that a person wants to live. Let’s try that again. The term is often used in reference to moments that achieve this ideal, even if one’s entire life does not, or in an aspirational statement about the kind of life a person wants to live. This term has a long history of use as a general phrase, but it gained mainstream attention in 2022 in relation to a social media trend especially popular among black TikTok users and is often used with the hashtag softlife. And that’s how you realize that I was chasing the soft life because you talk trash about my hashtags.

Telanna: Now I feel like this darn soft life is why I’m not having any grandchildren.

Mercedes: Oh, yeah. 100%.

Telanna: I can’t stand you all.

Mercedes: Yeah. Because that’s too much work. You can’t live a soft life with children running around.

Telanna: Yeah, you know what? You know what? I didn’t remember his name on TikTok, but you know what?

Mercedes: That was your choice, ma’am.

Telanna: Okay? That was my choice. That is true. That was my choice to bring life.

Mercedes: Give life, and I choose to do life differently with a dog and a fiance. Well, two dogs and a fiance. Yeah.

Telanna: Yes. So this self life sounds like it’s about chasing, leaving responsibility behind. You guys have some responsibility, but I can see now when you were reading the definition, I could definitely the first thing that popped into my head is, well, Dang, this is why I’m not having any grandchildren, because it’s too much responsibility.

Trinitee: Yes, it is.

Telanna: That makes me question either I was such a great parent that you all can live up to that, or I was just such a terrible parent that you all don’t want to try to.

Mercedes: It’s not even about the want to try to. I mean, it’s like, is that compatible with the life that you want to live? Are children compatible with the life? I mean, there’s plenty of people out there having children that that’s compatible with the life that they want to live.

Telanna: Yeah. Selfish.

Mercedes: Hell yeah. Okay, so here’s my thing on soft life, right? Yes. I did find it as part of discovering black girl luxury TikTok, which obviously inspires me. I want to be inspired and stay on black girl luxury TikTok. But I think one of the things for me that when I was first watching this is that often it kind of feels like chasing the soft life is something that’s not really accessible, because it’s like, okay, well, I can’t have a soft life unless I’m rich or I’m making six figures or I have a business and I’m certainly not there yet in many of those ways. But I still do choose to think that I’m pursuing those soft life. Right. I think there’s more ways that I can have a soft life in more areas of my life, but I choose to see it as a mindset or a mentality and something that allows me to live a certain lifestyle and therefore a better quality of life. So that’s really what I want to share today. I want to share more about the mindset of soft life, and then also at the end of this episode, share some strategies and things that I’ve implemented into my life that has helped me feel like I’m living a softer life. I can’t say that I’m living the full soft life to live a softer life and to share that with our.

Telanna: Chasers today, but let’s have it softy.

Mercedes: All right, well, we haven’t heard from Trinitee. What do you think about the soft life? Because we’ve obviously know what Mommy thinks about the soft life.

Trinitee: I get it. Thinking critically. I get it.

Mercedes: Right.

Trinitee: Is this working?

Mercedes: Yeah, we can hear you.

Trinitee: Anyways. I get it. To me, the soft life is where I only do the things that I choose to do. So my ideal soft life is if I want to go have a job, I have a job for fun. If I want to go on a run, it’s for fun. If I want to cook instead of eating out, cook instead of eating out, it’s for fun. Like, I’m making those choices myself. They’re not a necessity because I can always go eat out if I want to.

Telanna: Okay, you’re saying that your idea of a sauce life is thriving in the areas that you want to. So if you’re home and you’re having to cook because, let’s say, for instance, you cannot afford to eat out or something like that, that’s like, survival.

Trinitee: Yes. It’s not a soft life.

Telanna: Okay, I get that.

Mercedes: I do, too, because I think it’s, like, whether you think about luxury or a soft life or just lifestyle right. A lot of that does have to do with you feeling like you have the freedom to do what you want to do, how you want to do it, when you want to do it. And I think that’s definitely a part of living the soft life, because there’s, like, an ease to that. I think that’s a big part. And I also think that so much of the concept of luxury and leisure has to do with time. Like, how do you choose to spend your time and to what extent are you in control of how you use your time? That’s been my biggest takeaway from kind of the soft life mentality.

Telanna: Yeah, I mean, a lot of people have luxury, a lot of people have everything that they want and they’re still absolutely miserable. As always. I think that this goes back to you guys’generation looking at my generation, the generation before that and the boomers, my mom’s generation and even my grandmother’s generation, and just looking at it and thinking that we didn’t necessarily have choice because of society and how we were already shaped to have these certain rules. You know, that women do these things, men do these things. And I mean, you guys tell me, having looked at the things that I’ve done in my life comes from saying, okay, well, I don’t want to make those same choices that my mom did. To do certain things that I don’t want to just because she’s a woman. Or that’s what they said being a wife is supposed to do and be and all that good stuff.

Mercedes: I pause because I’m like, well, I’m just going to talk about the particular period in life that I think about when you said that maybe not what you were saying, but I’m going to put your business in the street. But if you want to put your own business in the street, you can. But anyway, I think about those times in life when you were working like all of those overtime hours at PRI. And I just feel like that was a very interesting period in life where I could certainly say that that could change the dynamic of what I see as balance and the freedom of time versus money and also how that could often be a challenge with considering the ability to even have a soft life, right? Like if you are trying to pay the bills, feed mount, that kind of thing. So certainly I can see things where time and money has been well limited in life about that particular period of time, but then also in life right now, I think about what I consider my standard of living that I’m very happy with right now. And what if I were to consider having a kid? That would be like, no, see, I’m already just kind of hitting a stage where I’m like, this is the level of comfort that I’m enjoying. I want to go up, I don’t want to incur additional expenses. So I do think that some of that being many ways in struggle has changed the decisions that I’ve made or what I choose to pursue. I think. So. I hope that makes sense.

Telanna: No, it does make sense. And it actually brings me to one of which I guess one of the issues issues is probably not the great the best word to do to say, but one of the issues with this whole soft life thing which to me. I get the part about you wanting to create this life that you love and you enjoy and always doing things that you enjoy. I absolutely get that. And in the back of my mind, I think, well, who the heck doesn’t want that? But the thing is, all of the challenges that I’ve had is those things shaped who I am that whole journey. And so I feel like some of this soft life is with all of this mess of saying, everybody gets a ribbon. Nobody gets a first place ribbon. Nobody gets a second place ribbon, nobody gets a third place. Everybody gets a participation ribbon. I feel like it gets jumbled all in all that altogether. So when I hear you talking about some of this soft life, I’m like, who wants to go through life with no challenges? That’s without challenges, it’s just so boring. It’s part of how you grow. It’s part of how you become. And I think that’s the part of this whole soft life I feel like people are looking for this perfect life and creating this perfect life when that does not exist.

Mercedes: So I will say that I think that, well, one, this is all a mindset thing. So I think that thinking like that is actually like a mindset of lack. Like, it’s a limiting belief. And the reason that I think that is is because everything that we see or see as a challenge in life, it’s only a challenge because you defined it as such.

Telanna: Exactly. You know, that I agree with that wholeheartedly, you know what I mean? Everything to me is an opportunity for me to either learn, for me to see myself in a different perspective, for me to figure out, I guess you could say what I’m made of, so I absolutely see that that’s possible. So when I say challenge, I’m not saying it to say that everything that is supposed to be hard. Say that again.

Mercedes: No, I was saying are you saying that you don’t associate a challenge with a negative thing?

Telanna: No, I don’t.

Mercedes: Okay.

Telanna: No, exactly. So when I think of challenge, I don’t think of it as a negative, but it’s like you said, I feel like when people talk about this soft life and they think about challenges from a negative perspective and say, I don’t want any challenges. I don’t want any problems in my life. And I think that by trying to live like that, you miss out on so much of who you’re really supposed to be and the things that you’re supposed to do and how you interact with other people.

Mercedes: Okay. Yeah, I get that. So I think that to any kind of philosophy or mantra like way of being right, there is kind of like a surface version of that, and there’s like a doing the work version of that. You know what I’m saying? So I think in terms of soft life. There could be a surface version of that is I have a challenge, right, which you may or may not see as a negative thing. I think calling a challenge as a negative thing, but I’m not trying to get like we get stuck in semantics a lot, so I’m not going to. But what I’m saying is that you could have a challenge that comes up, and you don’t want to address it. You want to believe that it’s not a challenge. You don’t want to address it. So you’re like, I’m living the soft life, so I don’t have challenges in my life. So you don’t actually do the work, you don’t consider those things. I think the difference here, and at least that’s what I’m cultivating in myself about the soft life is that these things, whether you call them challenges, may come up, and they may be what we stereotypically think of a challenges or not stereotypically, but typically whatever. But it’s kind of like this ability to still be seeking pleasure in the process or to still be seeking that kind of internal peace or softness, like being able to still remain in your character and moving with it as you would in a journey. Because so much of seeing that as a negative thing, whether it’s a challenge or not, is being able to still be at peace no matter where you are. And I think you can do the same thing and go at it with a soft life mentality or a hustle mentality or a different mentality or victim or whatever you want it. There’s so many different ways to look at that. But that’s why I think it’s more the better way to think of it as a mindset rather than it is of kind of what you were saying, of like, there are no challenges in life. There’s nothing that bad that happens. There obviously is, but it’s how you address it and how you that your lifestyle allows you to I get it.

Telanna: You all just be killing me. Just say you’re going to have a peaceful life.

Mercedes: Well, no, because yes, but no, okay.

Telanna: Because that part leaves out the luxury.

Mercedes: Yes, but I feel like if anything.

Telanna: You have to define it for yourself, just like people have to define what success means to them. I just crack up at all these different labels that this TikTok generation, Twitter generation.

Mercedes: I do think that is the piece. I think that is why soft life is associated with the luxury, also associated with quiet luxury is also kind of associated I didn’t realize this until recently with quiet quitting, which.

Telanna: How did that work out? Oh, I’m sorry. What was I supposed to say?

Mercedes: Well, I think it kind of has to do with some of the strategies that I’m going to talk about because per my Wall Street Journal quote, okay, people think that quiet quitting is about just not doing your job where it really is more around setting workplace boundaries about acceptable work conditions or workload imbalance.

Telanna: So what you’re trying to say is that it’s not about being lazy?

Mercedes: No, soft life is not about being lazy. No, not the soft life and quiet quitting.

Telanna: Yeah, quiet quitting. No, I was just throwing that in there because I know that in the beginning when the whole quiet quitting thing came out, a lot of people were saying it was about people not wanting to work.

Mercedes: Yeah.

Telanna: So I just wanted to throw that out there because I support you all.

Mercedes: Why? We have this whole millennial thing of, like, I think millennials have just had enough, and we’re like, no, we’re setting these boundaries. We have the soft life. We have quiet quitting. We have work life balance. We’re just turning it around.

Telanna: I think that’s great. So now you guys just need to get it down to four days, and then can we also get that? Which country does the shutdown for, like, fiestas?

Mercedes: Yes. You all need to work.

Telanna: Those next.

Mercedes: Well, I mean, it’s like the same thing as lunch is just longer.

Telanna: Yeah, but we want it to be something that’s statewide countrywide. We want it to be law. They’re making all these other stupid laws. The least they can do is throw in this one. Sorry.

Mercedes: I’m not even sure millennials would even be like, cool. I feel like we would be like, we want to work whenever we want, unless there’s a business need to not do that. I think that’s a different mentality. You’re like, no, I want my employer to give me 2 hours in the middle of the day to work or.

Telanna: Not to work or not work.

Mercedes: Sorry, but millennials are like, I don’t know. Give me a project and tell me how you want it done and when you want it done, and I’ll make sure it’s done at that time and how, when and where I work has nothing to do with that. You want a project that’s completed, so.

Telanna: You all just want to absolutely, totally disrupt the system.

Mercedes: I think that’s what is Trinitee?

Telanna: Trinitee?

Mercedes: Gen Z. I think that’s what Gen Z wants to do. I think millennials just want flexibility. Go ahead, Trinitee. Tell us what Gen Z wants. What do you all want? Is she even here?

Telanna: I don’t know. Did she check out on us?

Mercedes: Think so.

Telanna: She on TikTok.

Mercedes: Trinitee. I swear she’s gone to sleep. I’m going to scream.

Telanna: Then start screaming because she answering you. It’s that soul life girl.

Mercedes: Oh, my.

Telanna: Wow.

Mercedes: Okay. She said that she is seeking peace and pleasure and rest and leisure.

Telanna: I am taking my rest now.

Trinitee: All right.

Telanna: We weren’t paying her for being a gas.

Mercedes: You already paid her. Girl.

Telanna: I sure did. I got to stop paying these kids before they follow through. Okay, Mercedes, so you have been nice enough to, of course, catch me up, as always with this new terminology so I’m not looking crazy, but what made you decide to implement this? Was there something that happened in your life that said, you know what? My goal is to move towards a soft life?

Mercedes: I think it was just really overwhelming stress and goals in my life. I know that Mommy has heard many a times. You have heard many a times when I was leaving work and just, like, rough, like crying in the car rough.

Telanna: Struggle is real rough.

Mercedes: The struggle is so real rough. Like, go to a psychiatrist and become Alexa Pro girly rough. You’re like, is that too much information for the Internet?

Telanna: No, the Internet can know whatever you want to tell them.

Mercedes: Anyway. I’m very apologetic, unapologetic about sharing about my mental health anywho. So I don’t know, consider, is this the way that life has to be in order to accomplish your goals? You know what I’m saying? Do I have to be bent out of shape, stressed out, crying, worked up, can’t sleep, racing thoughts, going to a therapist because I can’t manage, and having mental breakdowns on an air mattress in the living room while Brandon, my fiance, stares at me? In order to live and achieve the amount of success that I would like to achieve in my life, the answer had to be no. But it took me having what I would really call a mental breakdown, during which I had clinical depression and anxiety and was diagnosed with ADHD to have the realization that this wasn’t going to work for me. And I had to figure out, how can I still achieve the life that I want to live and live the lifestyle that I want? Which does include luxury, right? And having the type of money and freedom to do so. How can I still achieve those goals without feeling this way? Because it’s your point, like what you were saying earlier, of, well, a lot of people have luxury, but they’re not happy. Anyway, all of that being said is when I had to figure out how can I continue to pursue the goals that I have and live the life that I want or create the life that I want to? Hey there.

Mercedes: It’s Mercedes. If you’re listening to this podcast, you probably have some pretty big dreams and aspirations. Are you looking to break into your dream job? What about pivot into a new career that aligns with your purpose? Or maybe you want to advance your career as an amazing black woman. If any of this sounds like you, it’s time for us to have a chat. In the show notes, you’ll find a link to schedule a quick and free 15 minutes career clarity. Chat with me. During our call, we’ll dive deep into your career goals, and I’ll share some transformational career advice. If coaching with me could benefit you, we’ll discuss that too. If you’re feeling uncertain about your career, it can be tough, but it’s possible to find clarity and direction. So why not take a step to your breakthrough and schedule your free career clarity? Chat with me today. The link is awaiting for you in the show notes love. All right, let’s get back to the episode.

Mercedes: Trinitee is not asleep. She is having technical difficulties, and she’s back.

Telanna: Say, hi, Trinitee. Hi.

Trinitee: You accused me of being asleep. We did.

Telanna: You said that was part of your that we just assume you went to sleep.

Trinitee: But I did not go to sleep.

Telanna: We appreciate your commitment to being here today.

Mercedes: Thank you. Okay, Mommy. So I answer your first question. What’s your second question?

Telanna: Your second question was what different type of strategies? So when you decided, hey, this is something that I want to implement in my life, how did you go from point A to point B of creating this soft life for yourself? Do you have certain tools that you use, certain habits that you created for yourself? Give us the goods.

Mercedes: Yeah, I think a lot of it came from more mindset work or, like, how I viewed things. So I was telling you earlier, you can view something as a challenge, or you can view it as part of a journey. And so I think one of the things that I was doing in my life, our first episode, was chasing dopamine. If you haven’t watched that, go watch it, because it does relate to that of the idea of seeking pleasure. But I also think the other piece of that is like, seeking ease. So a lot of times where I felt like I was in the middle of feeling like I was hustling or pushing myself or that I was no longer enjoying what I was doing, I would actually just stop, and I would ask myself, why am I not enjoying this? Why do I feel this way? And is it because I’m not using the route of less stress or more ease? Or is it because of the mindset that I have going at it right? Like, is there a certain viewpoint of what I’m trying to do that’s actually impacting how I feel about it?

Telanna: Give it to us.

Mercedes: Trying to think of, like, a recent example.

Telanna: Well, while you’re thinking about that, I would say I like that you said that, because I think, of course, when I started doing this, I didn’t think of it in terms of the soft life, but I thought of it in terms of really creating what I wanted to see in my life. So, of course, when you talk about mindset, I feel like so many people talk about all sorts of things, like the habits you have, the actions you take, all of these things. But you just got to get your mind right, because that’s what battle is in your mind. And so for me, one of the things that I decided to do and I actually do this on a daily basis, I do this throughout the day. And I’m constantly asking myself, how do I want to choose to experience whatever I’m doing? So when I wake up, how do I want to choose to experience this day? Because it’s exactly what you said. Everything that we’re doing, everything that we’re saying to ourself, everything that’s going on in our mind is a story, and we have a choice about the story that we create in our mind and how that plays out in our reality. And so it’s very telling if you’re saying you want a soft life in your head, but it’s not what you see. It’s creating that awareness. Like you said, stop yourself. Don’t keep going down that little rabbit hole doing the same thing, expecting that you’re going to get different results. It’s creating that awareness and really having the courage to stop and acknowledge and say, you know what? This isn’t what I want. I want something different. I’m working towards this soft life.

Mercedes: Yeah. Are you moving over to the Soft Life game?

Telanna: No, I’m not moving over to that foolishness. I’m just joking.

Mercedes: Oh, my God.

Telanna: No, it’s not moving over to the Soft Life. I feel like that’s just already who I am. One of these things, constantly putting labels on things. But you should know that I decided long time ago that I was only doing whatever I wanted to do, and I’m absolutely against this hustle life to begin with.

Mercedes: Well, that’s why I was feeling like that you should have been like, yes, I know you don’t like the labels, but definitely on the Soft Life bandwagon because it really is the opposite of hustle culture.

Telanna: Well, yeah, and I mean, I wasn’t always like this, right?

Mercedes: Because you don’t work at the end.

Telanna: Like, you had to work if you wanted anything in life. You had to work hard, and you had to do the thing that everybody was doing, and you had to if if you were resting, you know something was wrong with you, if you wasn’t utilizing every single hour of every single day to work or if you were constantly doing all the things. And that is just not who I am anymore because I’ve learned that it’s so important to listen to not only what you need mentally, but physically, too. Listening to our bodies. So many people ignore what their bodies are telling them. And so, yeah, this whole Soft Life thing, it’s not a bad thing. It’s who I am. But this whole Soft Life label, it’s funny. I just feel like as I always do with these type of labels, it’s just life. It’s just creating a life that you love and that you enjoy and one that you feel absolutely aligned with. For me, it’s not called the Soft Life. It would be called living intentionally.

Mercedes: Okay, so you’re joining hashtag Soft Life and you.

Telanna: No, ma’am. Okay. Because there are many elements in that little Soft Life thing that. Ain’t right. However, I do believe in living intentionally. And in order to live intentionally, you have to figure out what you want, figure out the things that bring you joy. And we’re not talking about where the money resides, where the peace resides.

Mercedes: We want money and peace. Okay. Yeah.

Telanna: Hey, y’all. Mama Telanna here. Have you been feeling tired of feeling like you’re just stuck in a rut? Are you struggling to achieve your goals? No matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to stick with it? Do you find yourself constantly self sabotaging and getting in your own way? Look, my mission here at Purpose Minded Woman is to help you take ownership of your life and begin to live with intention. And it starts with breaking free from the negative behavior patterns that are really holding you back. Okay. To help you get started, I created a free resource. Six simple steps to stop sabotaging your success. It is a powerful tool to help you identify the obstacles that are really getting in the way of your dreams. It’s time to break free from your self sabotaging habits and behaviors. And with this guide, you’ll have the solutions you need and the implementation steps you can take to take action and control your thoughts so that you can begin to exist at your highest level. Get it now while it’s available at purposemindderwoman.com.

Mercedes: It I did think of, like, a good example, so I have I gave you enough time? You did give me so much time. I’m also going to ask Trinitee how she’s been pursuing the soft life if her audio works.

Trinitee: I have not. Oh, okay.

Mercedes: She is not doing the soft life.

Telanna: Go to sleep.

Mercedes: Soft life. Courtesy of Telanna Jeffers. Yes.

Trinitee: I like that. That is my soft life. I digress.

Mercedes: You do?

Telanna: I just want to go to bed.

Mercedes: Okay. So I will say that one of the things that was that huge shift and definitely counter, like, hustle culture for me was I would feel like in my business, like I didn’t make enough sales this week, or I didn’t have enough leads or even made the type of milestones that I want, whether it was, like, a piece of content, like, maybe I didn’t get the amount of views that I want or the number of followers or growth. I was not hitting some milestone. And so I would kind of have all this built up anxiety about that, and then I’d kind of get stuck in the cycle of freaking out about, oh, I haven’t done this, and I’m not going to get this, whatever that milestone was. And I realized that me getting stuck in that very anxious and I do think it’s like, a lack mentality of, oh, I haven’t gotten enough or haven’t done enough right. And also, like, the fear and worry of not accomplishing said things like, oh, my gosh, if I don’t have this many new clients this week, then I’m not going to be able to pay for, I don’t know, my Kajabi subscription or whatever. So I think one of the things that I realized is that me stressing out about all of those things I didn’t accomplish actually negatively impacted my ability to do that. So I was getting so worked up about what I need to do in my business, this and that, that it was actually so draining to me that I would just not be able to work on it and do it. And the moment that I stopped saying I don’t care how many followers I have today or how well this video does, or how many info sessions or clarity calls I have, I’m not going to focus on that and allow that to impact my mindset. I’m going to keep doing the work and enjoy the work because I do love coaching and what I do for my business and inspiring women to pursue their career dreams, their career soft life. But I have had more success with viewing it that way and not actually caring at all about the other stuff where I’m just like my mantra right now is just, it will come. Like, I’m doing the work, so they will come.

Telanna: Yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

Mercedes: No, I just said it’s been freeing too.

Telanna: Yeah. So I was going to ask you just to speak on that a little bit because I feel like sometimes it’s difficult to see if you’re not getting the traction that you want is because you’re actually not doing the work. And so how do you draw that balance for someone who might be getting frustrated with their business or getting frustrated with their career journey? How do you look at it and say, I am doing the work. The work. But is it enough? Because what I heard you say, right, is that you realize that you’re not going to be tied to the outcome. You’re going to enjoy the journey because you know in your heart and your mind that what you’re doing is the work. But then at the same time, I know that there is also this struggle where you could think that you’re doing the work yeah. And you’re actually not. So have there been times as well for you where maybe you weren’t doing the work and you were experiencing the same feeling? No, I’m trying to figure out how to help somebody differentiate between yeah.

Mercedes: So I think the interesting thing here is like the attachment to the thing. So, for instance, I still log in every single day and I look at how much money I made. I record that. I look at my social media metrics and I update my metrics and I look at how many calls I’ve had. So I still look at the same data every single day. In one case, I have an attachment to what that means for my future, what that means about me, what that means about everything. Like whether I’ll be able to actually live a life of luxury, the life of luxury that I would like to live. Right. Because it’s different. But for me, one day a year ago, looking at that data meant to me, oh, wow, I had one follower today I am a failure. And one is like, oh, wow, there’s one follower today. Cool. And I mean, it’s not like I can’t necessarily say it doesn’t mean that me getting 500 followers a day wouldn’t be something that I’d be like, wow, that’s amazing. But it’s just I don’t have the attachment to what my future is and what’s going to happen based on that. I think that somebody who’s in a similar situation as me of trying to grow and learn, you have to look at that information, the points. Right. Like, you have to be able to say, okay, I made this effort with my social media or my business or in my career, and this led to X outcome and know that doing that same thing will lead to similar outcomes. Because now I’ve seen that, okay, I know if I make these types of posts, if I share this type of message with my audience, I have these calls. So I don’t have to worry anymore. That whether or not I do them, like, if I do them, whether or not there will be calls. I don’t know if that makes sense. I know that I figured out A leads to B, so I can enjoy A without worrying about B because I know that it will come. I don’t know if that helps.

Telanna: No, I think you clarified it. I think it’s like you said, if you’re doing the work, you’ll eventually see the progress, but you’re not going into it and making something that is not necessarily in your control, a part of your identity.

Mercedes: Yeah, exactly. It’s the meaning, as with anything.

Telanna: Right. You can have good days and you can have bad days, but at the core of it, you still know that you’re doing the things that you need to do and it’s just another day. And so it’s like I said, you’re not attached to the outcome. You’ve made a decision to enjoy the journey.

Mercedes: Yes.

Telanna: Okay, cool.

Mercedes: Okay, so we have had a time talking about Soft Life. I’m glad you’re still here. Trinitee, anything that else that you so I want to share with our audience things that I think will help them pursue the Soft Life if they want to be hashtag Soft Life with me. So, Trinitee, before I do that, is there anything else you want to say about the Soft Life?

Trinitee: Don’t be afraid to take naps.

Mercedes: That’s very good.

Trinitee: I think that’s great.

Mercedes: And.

Trinitee: Try to be healthy, I guess, and do things that bring you joy.

Mercedes: Amen.

Trinitee: Okay.

Telanna: I think that’s great because I don’t take naps.

Trinitee: You should.

Mercedes: You don’t take naps because you just go to sleep.

Telanna: That’s true. And my body definitely works. But that’s part of my if you want to talk about okay, so just for now, I’ll let I’ll let you call it my soft life. And because that is definitely a part of my soft life is my circadian rhythm has to be on point. Like, I need to be able to get my sleep. It’s one of the most important things to me.

Mercedes: So here are a couple of strategies that I think from my viewpoint, and you all could let me know if you all have questions. Okay, here’s a couple of strategies that I think can help you pursue the soft life. So, number one, if you feel like you have limiting beliefs, which we all have, one thing that’s helpful for that is journaling. And so when things come up for you that is something that you feel like is not in alignment with the soft life, then you can journal about it. But here are some things that here are some prompts that I think could get you started. So the first one is, and I think, mommy, that you should journal on some of these too. Okay, since you feel like you’re not part of soft life gang. So one is, why do you think it has to be hard to receive what you want? Number two, why can’t it get better than it already is? And number three, why do you think struggling is a badge of honor? Any thoughts on that?

Telanna: I don’t think any of those things. She said, mommy needs to journal on them. I’m like, I don’t think any of those.

Mercedes: Okay, all right, fine.

Telanna: I don’t like that. You don’t like that?

Mercedes: Well, because you started off okay, well, you started off this whole thing talking about that people don’t want to work and that men don’t want to work, so so I think I think that you still have some of that, but that’s really, like, what do you think about it?

Trinitee: That’s not even what she said. She didn’t say people don’t want to.

Telanna: Work in that way.

Trinitee: She said people don’t want to work.

Mercedes: They don’t want to work for the man.

Trinitee: They want to work for themselves.

Telanna: I appreciate you.

Trinitee: I can have a job and technically work for somebody and still be working for myself.

Telanna: You want more autonomy and contracting whatever.

Mercedes: Number two is taking the path of least resistance or operating in flow. So there’s always an opportunity to feel like a task is hard or it’s easy. And I think in that case, whichever you believe is true. And so in order for you to pursue this life of ease, you should also feel like you’re on the path of least resistance, that you’re in flow, and you’re going through the journey, and you’ll feel much better about the journey to get to the result that you want.

Telanna: You can believe the task is hard or it’s easy, whichever you believe is true. I feel like this is one of those things with affirmations. So at the time that you’re saying this, it’s absolutely no way that you’re going to take something that you feel is hard and say, oh, it’s easy, and believe yourself in saying that. And so one of the things that may help you if you feel like you’re doing this is to say, I’m in the process of making this easy. Or I’m in the middle of that. Because it might be a lot easier for your mind to comprehend that you’re in the middle of shifting from something that you view as hard to figuring out how you can see. It as being easy and figuring out and really leaning into what is going to allow you to have or do or be as you’re going through that. And I think, like you said, that’s where the flow comes from. That’s where breaking the resistance comes from, seeing your future self outside of what you think is hard. So I just wanted to throw that in there because I think sometimes it can just be hard in itself to say things that you just don’t believe.

Mercedes: Yeah, and I think a part of that too, because if you don’t fully believe that that thing that you feel like is hard could be easy, then you don’t look for the easier route. You know what I’m saying? So if you have a goal to accomplish I don’t know, like, for me, right, I’ve gone through many things just feeling like doing my social media is hard, content creation is just hard. But I didn’t look at different avenues for things that fit me and my goals in my business, for things that could be more easy. And now that I’m more open to that, I have a different way of doing my content that makes it much more functioning and enjoyable for me.

Telanna: Yeah, I like that. And I also would like to add to that too, because one of the things that I just thought about was for me too, I feel like social media at some times can feel hard. It felt hard for me in the beginning. And I will say that sometimes when things feel hard for you, it’s also a sign that something’s not in alignment preach. And I will also say that if it feels hard, what are you really focusing on? Because for me, social media got really easy when I realized it wasn’t about me. So it’s about how I serve my audience, how I bring value to my audience. And when you look at it from that perspective, even now, when I said that, I felt my body, certain things and my body shift because I get excited about the idea of serving my clients. So there’s a reframe for everything, right, that we do and how we do it. So if that resistance is coming and it feels hard, are you putting too much of the eye in there and making it too much about you instead of really what it’s creating for you?

Mercedes: Well, you know how I think you could put your eye in there, but it’s like, is the eye what you want?

Telanna: Because if the eye is not what you want exactly. That’s a whole nother thing in itself. My wants and my shoulds, that’s a whole another.

Mercedes: Because what you wanted in that situation is to serve and help people. Right. You didn’t want it to be like self serving about you creating media and you being in the spotlight. Right. So in the same way of whether it was hard or not and being in alignment, it is so much of seeing it as a different pathway to getting to what it is that you want.

Telanna: Oh, yeah, exactly. Because when you see what you’re creating, it just allows you to break through even quicker. Because at the end of the day, it’s not really about the post and the scheduling and all of that stuff. It’s what comes out of it that actually builds your intrinsic motivation to push through it.

Mercedes: Yes. I love when people write on my comment on my post. They’re like, that’s what I need to hear today.

Telanna: Yeah, exactly.

Mercedes: Right.

Telanna: I’m like, praise the Lord.

Mercedes: Amen. I need to hear it too.

Telanna: Sorry.

Mercedes: Okay, so the next one is setting boundaries. I feel like this is a huge one because when you continue to allow the influence of others and you don’t set a boundary, that takes you out of that soft life mentality. I genuinely think this about my paternal grandmother, right. Where we had a stage where I had to just say, these are the conversations that I am willing to have with you. These are the conversations that I am not willing to have with you because the energy that you are coming into my life with in these XYZ forms are not allowing me to be in the mindset of happiness and joy and peace that I would like to be in. I can talk to you and have these conversations with you because they allow me to have the type of relationship that I want to have with you of leisure or being at peace or joy or happiness. Those two things are possible. But even though that’s what you feel that you need for me to have those conversations, I can’t provide those to you for my own lifestyle and my own well being. And so I had to set those boundaries with her, but I also had to set those boundaries with me to say, this is not something that you are going to engage in, to say this is not acceptable, and to hold myself accountable for the boundaries that I said I had put up. And unfortunately, right. That other person, my paternal grandmother, cannot meet those boundaries. And so therefore, we don’t speak. But there’s so many it has limited the extent to which that energy or her influence in that relationship has disrupted my piece.

Telanna: Yeah, I mean, that’s sad. That that’s something that you have to experience. Right. Because people want their grandparents in their life. But at the same time, I think it’s like you said, so many people struggle with this idea of boundaries because they want to be loved, they want to be accepted, they want to be liked. And creating these boundaries for yourself, like you not speaking to your paternal grandmother, takes courage. Yeah.

Mercedes: And it also flies in the face of values for me.

Telanna: Well, I was just going to say that that one of the things that happened that people don’t understand about boundaries. It is that it is your personal integrity. It is your commitment to yourself. Right. So we’re quick to honor our commitments to other people, but we don’t honor our own personal commitment and integrity to ourselves and our own choices. Like, boundaries are about you honoring your boundaries, somebody else isn’t. And so I think if people saw it more as a commitment to yourself, to yourself, they would probably exercise it more. But I think people just think of it in terms of boundaries. Oh, I’m telling this person what I want, and that person gets to make the choice whether or not they want to honor my boundary. And if they don’t choose to honor my boundary, well, then I guess I just don’t have that boundary. And that’s not the way it works.

Mercedes: Yeah, it’s like the way it’s supposed to work. Well, I feel like people who don’t have functioning boundaries feel like that’s the way they work.

Telanna: Exactly.

Mercedes: There is an action. So my action is for those who especially if you struggle with boundaries, it’s like I’ve communicated what my boundary is. If you cannot respect that boundary, then my action is to not speak or respond to you.

Telanna: Right, exactly.

Mercedes: I will respond if you are willing to have question A or conversation A, but not conversation B. Right. Because it’s something I control. And honestly, that is the biggest part of understanding boundaries. And that’s why I’m quite literally unbothered at this point. Right. Because I understand that. But that one was a huge one for me to learn, which, what am I, like, two years into that journey my whole life? That one boundary. Oh, my gosh. Transformational. But that being said, those types of boundaries, that’s not just for family. People don’t think about workplace boundaries, people don’t think about business boundaries. People don’t think about relationship, like husband, wife, boyfriend, whatever, boundaries. There’s a boundary in any type of relationship that you have. Yeah.

Telanna: And we should have them have it.

Mercedes: Okay, number three is to fill your is this three?

Telanna: Three?

Mercedes: Oh, no, it’s four.

Telanna: Sorry.

Mercedes: Number four is to fill your cup. So I think one of the really great things about soft life and part of that being leisure and luxury is sometimes we talked about this again. This is definitely like a reoccurring theme of like you have to work to fill yourself up first and then that’s when these other avenues for success or helping others or fulfilling your purpose or your goals, that’s where those things can come into alignment for you. And so whatever that looks like for you of pursuing ease, leisure or luxury to help you feel better about your life or your experience and what you’re doing and the soft, I guess, mentality that’s going to help you be able to experience that soft life in other areas of life. Right? Number five is accept help. I feel like there’s this research that’s going on that shares that there is a large amount of impact on somebody’s happiness based on genetics. Did you know that?

Telanna: No.

Mercedes: So that, you know, like basically when you’re doing you know, when you’re running statistics, you’re able to kind of look at to what extent was the outcome influenced by a set of variables. And that could be like age or gender or everything. And it’s something like 40 something percent of happiness is impacted by genetics. And the interesting thing is that you don’t really know is it actually genetics. For instance, if you put there may be some research, but I couldn’t find it. If you put a baby in a different setting without their birth family genetically, is their level of happiness impacted by their genes or based on their environment? But anyway, there’s a lot of research that shows like, genetics does impact your ability to be happy. And I also thought that that was really interesting when we kind of talk about the aspect of generational trauma and also specifically for black women, what that has looked like. And layered on top of that, not just family expectations of black women not being able to live the soft life and also how society deems whether or not black women should be able to live the soft life. Because I think that’s like a two fold thing and I think that’s why that is so much of a trend for black girl TikTok or black girl luxury because it’s not something that is ingrained in our way of being and living from childhood. And when I talk about our story of how we started about with you and all of your overtime work at PRI and everything like that when I was growing up anyway, I just thought it was a very interesting piece of understanding the dynamic that often black women are supporting and helping others and so they are not allowed the same amount of ease or peace or rest that others are able to. And so that whole rant takes me to number five, which is to accept help. Because I feel like with that independent Black woman feel that many Black women have had to take on because of circumstances or life or even just what was expected from a generational or societal piece, that Black women don’t feel like they can be helped or accept help.

Telanna: Yeah, I mean, I definitely think that that’s something that’s generational that probably goes all the way back to slavery. And so, as you know, with any type of generational trauma that stays with you, it stays in your DNA, and it has to be broken, and it has to be I don’t want to say remapped, but I think every generation either continues that or they make it a point to do something different. And I think each generation is chipping a bit more off of that, you know what I’m saying? Which I think is fantastic because I just can’t imagine just being a woman back in slavery times and not having your husband there. That’s how you were shaped. That’s who you had to become. And so, yeah, I think it’s just one of these things. And so I love that. That’s something that I think especially from millennials, they’ve picked up that mantle even more to say, okay, it’s okay to ask for help, because true, I feel like for me, too, it’s one of these things where, as you would say, I’m always going to figure it out. And I think I always know how to figure out things because I’ve had to figure it out because I haven’t asked for help.

Mercedes: Yeah, you don’t like asking for help.

Telanna: I’m learning. Be quiet.

Mercedes: Yeah, but you’d be having the attitude like, I shouldn’t have to ask for help.

Telanna: Wow. Praise the Lord.

Mercedes: Anyway, here’s my out of pocket statement for today. My version of Reparations is that I ask my white fiance for help all the time, and I accept his help. That’s my unhinged statement for today. I’m just trying to balance the tides. Did you mute yourself? I’m trying to get my own Reparations up in here. He’s doing great. Reparations.

Telanna: I know how that man puts up. If you look ahead, I don’t know.

Mercedes: How it does either. Okay, so here’s our last one. Practice doing nothing or taking your time. This has been, I think, the number one strategy that has helped me kind of overcome that. Because to your point earlier, you were saying, like when you are so ingrained in that hustle culture, got to do this, got to get that done or my dreams aren’t going to happen or my goal is not going to come or it’s not going to be completed. You choosing to do nothing or choosing to take your time doing something at leisure helps you actively start to challenge those ideas. So for me, getting up and leaving my desk and just sitting outside in the garden and saying it is okay to be at leisure, it is okay to be at rest, it is okay to enjoy these moments in life has been the biggest thing that has made this acceptable and normalized, to live this soft life.

Telanna: I think for me, that’s been a big thing, too. Just really being aware and not ignoring it. Really being okay with just not always having to push through just for the heck of it, because it’s what I’ve always done. I think I’ve been leaning into that a lot where I’ve just like, I don’t feel like doing anything and it’s okay for me not to want to do anything. I absolutely do not have to be on all the time and practicing that of doing nothing. I’ve been just sitting, sitting still. I’ve been doing some breath work, which is nice, and just being quite content with just doing nothing. And I cannot remember maybe we’ll put it in the show notes. I actually read the book doing nothing.

Mercedes: Oh, nice.

Telanna: Okay, we should yeah, we’ll put it in the show notes for you.

Mercedes: Yeah, because honestly, out of everything that I’ve talked about, tips wise or strategies wise, I think that is really the most impactful thing, it seems. So just do nothing. Just take your time doing something that isn’t work. Hobbies, going for a walk. It’s amazing. Shift some things inside of you. I did it today and I felt so much happier after that. Like I can’t even just existing. It’s kind of cool. It’s kind of crazy.

Telanna: Yeah. I think because we’ve been so taught to think that when we choose to do those things that it’s a waste of time and that it’s not meaningful and that it’s not adding value to our lives. Which is why so many people, when they’re considering their goals, when they’re considering their days, when they’re mapping them out, they don’t include it. Like they leave those things for last. When in actual fact, those type of things should be put into your schedule first. Because that way you’re always making sure that you’re creating the space in your life to replenish yourself. And you’re not doing it from a place where you’re in survival mode. It just becomes really who you are and how you choose to live. And so if you’ve been doing it the other way, I want to really encourage you to start planning life around these things, doing nothing, taking the time to add more joy and value into your life by doing the hobbies, going for the walks, doing those things. Because then that leads back into the other things too, where you’re filling your cup. It’s still a part of filling your cup. Giving yourself permission to do nothing high level, it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a beautiful thing and not question yourself and not be there thinking that I could be doing this. And start small. Like if you can’t think of saying, okay, I’m just going to give myself 20 minutes not to do anything. If that’s too much for you. And you’re just like, there’s no way I can just sit here for 20 minutes and not do a dark thing. Start with five, start with somewhere. And it doesn’t even have to be we’re like, I’m going to meditate or I’m going to. Do breath work. Just be and whatever comes from that comes from it. Not everything has to be scripted out. Just be.

Mercedes: Gen Z, come back. We can’t hear you.

Telanna: Technical difficulties. Gen Z. I feel like she’s having technical difficulties because she’s falling asleep with her phone.

Mercedes: You think that’s true? Oh, my gosh.

Telanna: And it’s underneath her.

Mercedes: She sounded so awake.

Telanna: But it don’t take much.

Mercedes: That’s true. All right, I think we’re wrapping up without doing.

Telanna: We are.

Mercedes: All right.

Telanna: It’s nice having you with us, Trinitee. We appreciate you.

Mercedes: You dropped some nuggets, I will say that. Hello. Were you actually asleep this time?

Trinitee: Yes, I’m asleep. My eyes were closed.

Mercedes: I feel less bad about talking trash about you last time. Well, Trinitee, say goodbye to the people. All right, so thanks for joining us, Chasers, for this episode of the Chasing 100 podcast. We enjoyed sharing so much about the Soft Life and we’ve also inducted Talana officially into the Soft Life Club. And until next time, we wish you much success in chasing your biggest 100 goals. And I’m not going to give her enough time to rebuke. What? I’m ending the podcast right now. Have a good evening. Goodbye, New York. Bye.

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